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Showing content with the highest reputation since 01/11/2021 in all areas

  1. You sure did! I don't know if the love is dead, but you're certainly with a guy who thinks women are gold diggers. Don't bother putting any effort into figuring out why he would think that given the circumstances, because bigotry never make sense. It's a form of stupidity. You can love stupid, and stupid can love you. But you can't fix stupid.
    7 points
  2. Tinydance As you may remember I grew up with alcoholic parents. One admitted they had a problem and openly said they were an alcoholic and the other thought everyone else had the problem and she had it under control. Those last 4 words are the downfall of almost all alcoholics whether they are trying to stay clean or they are a functioning alcoholic. Once they think they have it under control they are doomed. It sounds like you have been able to stop drinking for periods of time which means you can stop. Your problem is that you say you are an alcoholic but you fail to reali
    6 points
  3. This may sting a bit, but I’m going to hold the mirror up for you and I hope you can open your mind and understand the part you played in this. 1.) 6 weeks of dating, his dad becomes ill to the point he and his mom must take care of him. That’s pretty significant, and yet you have arguments about not being able to see each other for the holidays. Seriously it’s been 6 weeks and his dad is ill. He shouldn’t be with you for the holidays, he should be with his family. 2.) 8 weeks of dating, he finds out his dad has TERMINAL CANCER. Yet you complain about photos he’s liking and women he’
    6 points
  4. OP, He is not interested in marriage. Please please do not consider marrying this man. It sounds to me like he is interested in living with you so he can sponge off you, the way he's sponging off his mommy. Why do you even have an interest in marrying this man? He clearly has no ambition, and pretty obvious contempt for women and marriage. People do tend to have emotional responses to Pre-nups. But as someone who has been divorced, let me tell you- They are a GOOD thing. Especially if, as in your situation, you have FAR more than he does. If you were to get married a
    6 points
  5. So you are bi polar and admittedly treated the people you love and love you like crap on several occasions and got a pass but when your gf has issues and doesn't do things right she needs what exactly? Punishment? Taught a lesson? Break up? It would seem you have been given a lot of grace, perhaps you could learn from them. You are choosing to stay mad about this because it validates you. At what point is it enough? You can easily get over this and work it out together as soon as you accept that you like having this over her. Once admitted then the problems can be addressed
    6 points
  6. He is abusing you and your child in your own country, in your own home where he has no rights and no standing. Imagine for a moment what he will do to you and your child if you ever move to his country where he does have rights and power and you have nothing...... Please drop the "he is a father of my child" nonsense. He is a sperm donor and an abuser. He isn't just abusing you, he is also abusing an infant. Do you have any idea what damage it does to a child to see their mother in tears and distress sceam-singing because some psychopath is forcing her to? OP....stress kills. I can'
    6 points
  7. Stop and think about this a little. You have sole custody of the child. That is a very good thing. He is not a resident of your country nor does he have a visa. That is a very good thing. He does not work and cannot support a child. That is a very good thing as far as a court letting him have any kind of contact other than visitation. You have proof of his controlling and threatening personality. That is a very good thing. You are not married to him. That is a gigantically good thing. When you look at it this way I am sure you can see that you hold all the c
    6 points
  8. I remember when someone asked me when my wife and I would try and have a child. I told them "when we can afford it" and they laughed and said "If you wait until you can afford it you will never have kids" Guys think differently than women. Simple fact. He is thinking as a provider and you are thinking as a nester. Do you work? Do you have a joint savings account for the wedding? Getting engaged is a promise of marriage so he should at least be able to make that promise, if he cannot then you do need to reevaluate the future with him. The size of the ring doesn't matter doe
    6 points
  9. My guess is she's got a crush on someone (who she considers a "thug") and since he's got her motored up, she wants you to be more like him. In other words, I would not be surprised if you found out there is another guy in her mind. I don't necessarily mean she is cheating, but she I highly doubt she's randomly developed this attraction to thugs out of nowhere - especially considering it appears to be quite different from the man she's known a long time. Having said that, it is beyond frustrating to have to ask someone several times to get something done. It shouldn't take "needing"
    6 points
  10. it's called a pandemic where millions are stuck at home and bored. They are going to be online, looking for attention, filling their time and not be bored. That's why it's becoming so common. penpals/time wasters. Set an expectation for yourself. If they don't ask for a date within a week or 2 of messaging, kick them to the side. Go forward.
    5 points
  11. I'm glad you did. Opioid withdrawal is miserable but not deadly, still incredibly hard to kick but it is something that can be done. I echo what others have said re: alcohol cessation being deadly if not done properly under the guidance of a healthcare professional. Yes, it can be deadly if one is physically dependent. Tinydancer, I am not sure if you are or not at this point in time; I am not in a position to assess that. I trust that if you are going to pursue that, you will be in touch with your therapist and your doctor and follow their directions. Okay that being said... Ad
    5 points
  12. Lol, wow. While I think prenups are great, his desire for one in this particular context are not about mutual protection but some negative associations with marriage. What are you going to do, take his couch and Cheetos from mom’s basement? If he had some kind of assets, even then his angry and resentful response would be just as concerning. Prenups in people with healthy views on marriage can be great. Clearly not the case here.
    5 points
  13. Well, he has shown you that marriage disgusts him and you want to be married . There is no compromise there. 36 is too old to be milking mom and dad for everything unless you have a disability and need to be at home. There is not enough there to build a relationship on.
    5 points
  14. PainterGirl, it seems to me that your boyfriend has an underlying resentment of marriage, and I dare say, women as well. I am saying that because logically in your specific situation, you are the one with the assets, so if somebody should be worried about losing in case of divorce, this should be you, not him. So, the contempt and disgust he demonstrated, has to do with his general believes about women and marriage, rather than you individually. If I were you, I would be very careful about having a relationship, let alone, marrying a hidden misogynist, because his negative believes about marri
    5 points
  15. Please take a deep breath and step back from this a little bit. I know it's hard, but you need to give yourself some breathing room and some perspective. At 6 months, no matter the talk about future plans, it's just dreamy talk. You don't know each other enough to know if there really is a future for you both together. In fact, beware of men who future talk like that too early precisely because you don't have a solid foundation yet. Six months in, your relationship is still in its infancy, untried, untested, and still very much in they honey moon stage. On that note, this is your tes
    5 points
  16. You were together only 8 mos while she was in rehab. They were off/on almost a decade, so your 8 mos of dating was just a brief snapshot in their crazy roller coaster world. They belong together. You dodged a bullet. You learned a lot about red flags. People in on/off, people addicted to addicts, wierdos who talk marriage after just 32 weeks dating. And the list goes on with this creep.
    5 points
  17. Sorry this is happening. Huge red flags. There is zero commitment. He wants you to move to him. He wants a live in GF for convenience. He is Not proposing, he is Talking. Proposing is proposing. Marrying is marrying. What he's doing using a lot of string along talk. You seem utterly fooled by a lot talk. Access to his phone? Huge red flags. That means he a lot to hide, so configured things , like a teething ring for you to chew on. This is also the groundwork to have control over you and access to your devices. A digital leash. Those are the main red flags. All t
    5 points
  18. Honestly, going forward, if this relationship doesn't work out - i would be honest about my past "Due to the abuse I suffered, I made a few bad choices, etc.. but here is where i am at now..." and be honest. Its better for someone to walk away than to lose a good relationship than to find out after 2 kids. Prostitution is a really big one deal breaker for people - and 7 years ago is not a long time ago. I would not play the game of "showing that you love him." I would also not tell him what he should do (walk away or not). For now, i would not contact him and let him be. Let him
    5 points
  19. He seems really unsure about marriage after three years and he's saying he can't give you an answer as to if and when you'll get married. He doesn't seem sure and is being really vague. I'm sorry to say but in a relationship values are extremely important and your values seem different. You have very strong marriage and family values and it doesn't seem like he does. He's using the financial situation as an excuse but you don't really need a lot of money at least to get engaged. He could buy a cheaper ring and just have an engagement party in a park or at home or something. I know you and
    5 points
  20. I stopped reading after he kicked off about you wearing makeup...this is how abusers work. They start to pick away at you, telling you not wear makeup, dress differently, don't see your friends, better not talk to your male coworkers, checking your phone, reading your messages, etc. This is how they control you...it's all about control/ manipulation/ GASLIGHTING...yes gaslighting, making you think it's your fault, you are crazy, etc. They make sure you are isolated so they can continue controlling you. Sorry there is no fixing this but run for your life! get your kids out of this h
    5 points
  21. I agree with the others. Holding your virginity over his head is pretty childish. You decided to have sex. It takes two. You gave it to him and that was your choice. If you really wanted to wait for marriage, you should have done that. Also if it meant so much to you, wasn't it special and an act of love? And now you're using it against him? Not cool. What are you doing to procure your future? How will a wedding, a home, a child be paid for? Just him?
    5 points
  22. When a relationship makes you develop an eating disorder and threatens your health and fundamental well-being; then it is time to sever ties, take distance and be kind to oneself. No relationship is worth an eating disorder. Sometimes we have to leave what we desire (a lover) in order to protect who we love-ourselves.
    5 points
  23. You think it's about who pays, but it's not. That's the power struggle. He seems petty and angry. But the anger simmers below the surface. This is how passive aggressive behaviors work. His pissy whining, complaining, selfishness is all orchestrated to make You feel guilty for everything. It's designed to make You feel bad for making him feel bad. It wouldn't matter what you do. Dealing with passive aggressive tactics is like playing whack-a-mole. It's a moving target. Because the "issue" is never the "issue". For example you could waste years tweaking stuff he compl
    5 points
  24. Social media is not the problem, your bf is. He is not to be trusted, but you already know that.
    5 points
  25. I read this and the first thing I want to say is: time to take a few thousand deep breaths. Like, for real. Give it a go. One, two, three... Okay, that out of the way, I think you got to the nuts and bolts yourself in that, yes, this is normal. It's normal to be kind of jittery with a new person. Normal to be extra jittery when you're with your first new person after a long marriage. Normal to be extra extra jittery when you are still married, in the earliest stages of untangling that knot, and already trying to tie a new knot. Normal to be extra extra extra jittery when you're having sex
    5 points
  26. I mean.....he told you what you don't want to hear - in person he didn't feel any chemistry or not enough to pursue things. Basically, what you have here is a typical OLD situation where on paper you should be a good match - common interests, you both seem cute on camera, you get along talking or playing board games. However, in real life, that essential click, that chemistry just wasn't there and that's that. Seems also that the lack of that click in real life was rather mutual. What you are mourning is more the potential on paper than reality. Above aside, I think you need to
    5 points
  27. Hi all Thursday February 4th was my last day at a job I was at for almost 31 years. Leaving my crew that I watched over for all those years was the hardest part because management above me are idiots which is the reason I even looked into retiring. I will be 57 years old Sunday and I feel excited, unsure and feel fortunate to be able to retire pretty comfortably at my age. Like many I have worked since a young age so this new phase will be an interesting and exciting new journey for me. I received many job offers after word got out that I was not happy, I was tempted but I did
    4 points
  28. Hello, I came across your thread when I was Googling something unrelated - I was googling what does she mean when she says ‘I hope to see you soon.’ trigger warning * child sex abuse * Anyway I’m a 31 year old man who has sexually abused by my non blood uncle for 7 years between 14 and 21. Putting that man in prison was a long process where I had to tell my friends and family about the abuse and ultimately I felt abandoned upon disclosure. From 22-32 I have been a mess and I’m trying to sort my life out. As I was abused past 18 I felt like a prostitute to my uncle. I have n
    4 points
  29. As a man that considers himself pretty understanding at this phase in my life I can honestly say I don't know if I could get past this, it would be mine to deal with, not yours. If I truly loved you I do know I would try though and let you know that I might not be able to do it. Sitting here thinking about how I would feel it makes me mad that you were abused, that you felt like the only thing of value was your body an mostly the people in your life were not there for you. I can see myself wanting to seek them out to punish them somehow. Not the right thing to do but... People break u
    4 points
  30. If you do end up "getting" her, you have the pleasure of knowing she is the type to cheat on her boyfriend. For YEARS. You'll be clueless while she sleeps with other guys (most likely her alleged "ex") when you're at work or otherwise busy. How does that make you feel? BTW, trying to believe "Oh, she'd never do that to ME!!" is a fallacy. She has already proved she's a cheater.
    4 points
  31. I find it confusing as to how you gave him full access to your body, yet you don't know how to ask him on a date? As to your question, I'd say he enjoys sleeping with you, but if you attempt to pursue a relationship, he'll run for the hills. Your call...
    4 points
  32. I think you said the right thing. I would imagine you want them to expect quality work from you. And you are human, so you can only produce quality work when your workload is at or below a certain level. Once you become overwhelmed, quality is usually the first thing to slip, followed by timeliness. Knowing when to say “no” is an excellent skill to have. Don’t second guess yourself. You seem very intelligent, driven, and far more willing to persevere than most people I’ve ever met. I can easily see that no matter what happens with this company, you will still find a way to be successful. I hop
    4 points
  33. You're in love with attention. That' all.
    4 points
  34. Awww, I understand. I think therapy is a great idea. If not now, then when is a better time to address loneliness and isolation? Consider that when people judge complaining, they are defending against getting sucked down into a place where they don't want to go. They're fighting their own struggles, and they don't welcome sabotage. (I gather that you can respect that.) So glad you're walking, and you're being safe about it. It might be helpful when talking with others to voice your complaints in a tricky but beneficial way--frame them as things you envision doing again someday.
    4 points
  35. You have to call out stuff as it happens... here are some examples. Listen gf, I'm happy to help you in an emergency but don't text me urgent, when its not. especially if I'm at work. Gosh, I just listened to you for 20 minutes. Don't you want to hear about my day? Sometimes I'm busy just with myself and my life. I'm sorry you expect calls right back, but that's not working for me. You have to push back. If she is not being cool on the phone or whatever, tell her you have to go. Stop being so available... its hard but you have to do it. Even when she's being co
    4 points
  36. Interesting, because I would've answered that question (am I being selfish and obtuse?) with "yes." No one is entitled to sex, and no one owes another person sex. I don't think this is a difficult concept. When someone starts being all "why can't you just shut up and put your feelings aside and put out anyway?" that's getting into some very dangerous territory right there.
    4 points
  37. You don't get it do you? You have no maturity to sit down and just talk things out. You act like a two year old, throwing tantrums, demand to see her phone, pushy, say hurtful things, breakup with with her over and over, and never bother to listen or talk about resolving the problem,.....your actions are your demise. Forgive you? no that train has left the station.
    4 points
  38. You admit to some toxic relationship behaviors. Unless you spend some time figuring these issues out you'll return and repeat the same dance. Wishing them away isn't enough. Consider therapy and stay away from ' get your girl back' videos. You may get her back only to repeat the same thing.
    4 points
  39. He didn't take your virginity, you offered it to him....there's a difference. Giving someone a gift like that, will turn ugly if you use it as a manipulation tool to guilt him into doing what you want him to do. He has been honest with you, he's not ready for marriage or a baby, and that's fair. I'm assuming that both of you are working and are putting money away for your future? The ball is now in your court, are you willing to wait until he's ready, or not? If you're not, then you will have no choice but to leave him. If you love him enough to wait till he's ready, t
    4 points
  40. This is the fastest way to push him away from you. It sounds like he's being hounded and pressured to death and it's suffocating. Be very very careful - the more you push for marriage, the more you'll push him away. You'll shoot yourself in the foot if you keep at it. You are both so young, with so much time ahead of you. Most men are not even close to being ready for marriage at age 24. And he's right. Not being financially ready for marriage and kids is a really GOOD reason to not jump into it - especially when being pressured into it when he tells you he isn't ready. He's s
    4 points
  41. Sorry you are going through this. I know how it feels to be with a company you care and work hard for but they ignore you every time you express or address your concerns/aspirations. I posted my work issue on here (2 yrs ago). Also my old boss was notorious for not reading my emails too 😒 If I brought up I emailed her a few days ago, I got this look from her like "I don't monitor my inbox because I'm so busy." You feel valueless, slighted, and hopeless! Like everyone told me, I had to stop taking things at work personally - I get it. But it was hard to separate work from me. What I found
    4 points
  42. What pattern from your past are you trying to replicate (and resolve) by holding onto this sparkly turd? An answer for yourself, no need to tell me. But I’m hoping once you work that out you can escape the pattern that kept you devalued as the other woman for years. Check out Baggage Reclaim, it’s a great blog for perception shifts. I know your heart is shattered now but I hope this narcissist never comes back, your life will be better without him!
    4 points
  43. How about this. Instead of waiting for social interaction you initiate it? Reach out to some of your female friends every once in a while. It would seem these men contact you more often so that is what you feel as making you want it. Nourishing other real friendships would be a good way to expand a healthy social circle. These men are no more than acquaintances and coworkers/admirers. Send a few "HI, how have you been" texts out today to some female friends and see what happens. I imagine the pandemic may have exasperated these feelings you have so be mindful of that a
    4 points
  44. Keep it professional. Don't talk about personal stuff or chitchat outside of work. Of course you realize you're coasting along in a relationship of convenience with your bf and are not really compatible. Reflect what you want in life outside of this crush. He seems more like a projection of general dissatisfaction with your bf as a long term partner. .
    4 points
  45. I am the child of alcoholic parents. Hidden bottles, drunken fights, lies, promises to stop and on and on were common growing up and common with most alcoholics. She is not that much different than most in her stage of addiction. It isn't my job or yours to save her from this, sure you need to be supportive but you CANNOT enable her. You cannot be her therapist, sponsor, jailer, conscious, coach, doctor, moral compass or savior. You are in love with an alcoholic and you need to accept that she will always be an alcoholic no matter how long she goes without a drink, she is always at
    4 points
  46. I may be off base, but if she was worried about losing you why did she meet up with him not only once, but twice? If you read between the lines, it appears there's more questions than there are answers, (imo). In short, I'd proceed with caution while keeping my eyes open...
    4 points
  47. As some of you know I've been going through separation and divorce in the past year and a global pandemic on top of that has forced me to rethink or restructure a lot of my life in different ways. I moved, bought a new place, taken up new hobbies and found new support networks that have carried me through. It appears the pandemic has been one of other reasons for the changes I've made and I see those changes complementing one another so I don't find things disharmonious oddly but very in sync with the type of life I've been wanting for awhile now - to live in peace and relative solitude.
    4 points
  48. Thank you everyone for you amazing support. I really appreciate it!
    4 points
  49. Brice, Welcome to ENA, You surely are not alone in what you are going through. If you searched this forum you would find hundreds of stories just like yours. So back in the days of in real life meeting people and dating you were exposed to possibly one person a month that you could MAYBE strike up a conversation with in hopes of it going somewhere. With OLD you can view easily a hundred a day and try and talk to lets say 10 that you find interesting. So in one day you could almost try and make a connection with the same number of women you could in real life back in the day.
    4 points
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