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香蕉视频app网Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/05/2021 in all areas

  1. OP, He is not interested in marriage. Please please do not consider marrying this man. It sounds to me like he is interested in living with you so he can sponge off you, the way he's sponging off his mommy. Why do you even have an interest in marrying this man? He clearly has no ambition, and pretty obvious contempt for women and marriage. People do tend to have emotional responses to Pre-nups. But as someone who has been divorced, let me tell you- They are a GOOD thing. Especially if, as in your situation, you have FAR more than he does. If you were to get married a
    6 points
  2. You sure did! I don't know if the love is dead, but you're certainly with a guy who thinks women are gold diggers. Don't bother putting any effort into figuring out why he would think that given the circumstances, because bigotry never make sense. It's a form of stupidity. You can love stupid, and stupid can love you. But you can't fix stupid.
    6 points
  3. Well, he has shown you that marriage disgusts him and you want to be married . There is no compromise there. 36 is too old to be milking mom and dad for everything unless you have a disability and need to be at home. There is not enough there to build a relationship on.
    5 points
  4. PainterGirl, it seems to me that your boyfriend has an underlying resentment of marriage, and I dare say, women as well. I am saying that because logically in your specific situation, you are the one with the assets, so if somebody should be worried about losing in case of divorce, this should be you, not him. So, the contempt and disgust he demonstrated, has to do with his general believes about women and marriage, rather than you individually. If I were you, I would be very careful about having a relationship, let alone, marrying a hidden misogynist, because his negative believes about marri
    5 points
  5. As a man that considers himself pretty understanding at this phase in my life I can honestly say I don't know if I could get past this, it would be mine to deal with, not yours. If I truly loved you I do know I would try though and let you know that I might not be able to do it. Sitting here thinking about how I would feel it makes me mad that you were abused, that you felt like the only thing of value was your body an mostly the people in your life were not there for you. I can see myself wanting to seek them out to punish them somehow. Not the right thing to do but... People break u
    4 points
  6. Lol, wow. While I think prenups are great, his desire for one in this particular context are not about mutual protection but some negative associations with marriage. What are you going to do, take his couch and Cheetos from mom’s basement? If he had some kind of assets, even then his angry and resentful response would be just as concerning. Prenups in people with healthy views on marriage can be great. Clearly not the case here.
    4 points
  7. It's unclear why you would want to marry a middle aged man who lives with mommy and daddy. Don't allow him to weasel his way into your apt. He needs to get his own place. You can simply laugh at his absurd prenuptial counterargument. He doesn't even have anything 😂 It would be best to cut your losses and find a man who is not an angry spoiled brat. End it. It's not worth the headaches and heartaches arguing with someone like this. Get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men.
    4 points
  8. Hi all Thursday February 4th was my last day at a job I was at for almost 31 years. Leaving my crew that I watched over for all those years was the hardest part because management above me are idiots which is the reason I even looked into retiring. I will be 57 years old Sunday and I feel excited, unsure and feel fortunate to be able to retire pretty comfortably at my age. Like many I have worked since a young age so this new phase will be an interesting and exciting new journey for me. I received many job offers after word got out that I was not happy, I was tempted but I did
    3 points
  9. Els, you have enough on your plate with two young twin boys and taking care of your own balance. Your boys need their mom relaxed and in peace with herself, so that they feel the warmth and security that only their moms can give. And for this you need to be happy and peaceful. If you are stressed and depleted from giving your energy to your boyfriend, then there is nothing left for you and your boys. You have to prioritize. You are responsible for your happiness and your kid's wellbeing. You are neither the therapist, nor the mother of your boyfriend. He has to deal with his mental challe
    3 points
  10. 3 points
  11. To be honest I actually think that it's not good for two people with fairly serious mental illness to be in a relationship. I've thought this for a while because I work with people with disabilities and mental health and I've noticed this in people I worked with who dated other people with mental illness. If you struggle with mental health you probably need a boyfriend who doesn't have mental illness himself and who can be stable and supportive for you. It's obviously very hard to try to take care of your own depression and anxiety, of your children and also of your boyfriend. You need stabili
    2 points
  12. I highly suggest she get going on therapy- to work on all of this and fps, get going on these meds, and then some! As it can take time for doctors to figure out what does or does not work for her.. everyone is wired differently... (not sure if YOU are familiar with mental health issues? May want to read up on such... and I know some ppl who are on stuff for anxiety, depression and one good thing for 'moods' is Lamotrigine..). I'd give her an ultimatum... either look seriously into getting herself some help- and see improvement or nothing will progress... Her anger outbursts are not accep
    2 points
  13. My therapist told me the most important person in my kids' lives was me, therefore I needed to be the most important person in my life. Getting so stressed that it affects your mental health will affect your kids' mental health. I know you don't want to go down that road. This man will survive, he survived before he met you and he'll most likely take it better than you think he will.
    2 points
  14. This entire post is worth repeating! Nailed it. OP, do you have any support network? Mother? Siblings? I also think if your anxiety/depression is so bad you really need to see a doctor and get a referral for counselling/therapy to address this issue. You need to be mentally healthy to be able to care for your children and therapy/medication can help you with this. As for the boyfriend - he needs to go. He's making everything a LOT worse and you really don't need that in your life right now. Let him go and focus on your mental health and your children. They need you more.
    2 points
  15. Hey! So, I didn't get the job I went on the second interview for. Apparently they told the staffing agent that I was "a GREAT interview!" and they really liked me but they are looking for "the perfect fit". Which I get. I do believe there's a degree of ageism going on in some cases. Everyone at that company except the owners appeared to be young to mid 20s. So almost-55-year-old me would not have blended in very well. However...I had a phone interview on Monday for a different position. And despite only doing a 30 minute phone interview (no video), they called the staffin
    2 points
  16. Leave her alone and respect her wishes. Doing anything else will backfire both on her and you. She's not attracted to you and her reasoning is absolutely justified. For your mental health it's better not to keep talking with her or interacting or initiating any conversations or chats. Talk to other girls or spend more time with your friends. Hope you feel better soon.
    2 points
  17. Update! I had the procedure and finally got a reassurance and clean Bill of health. The ‘tumor’ is nothing scary it’s most likely a sac of fluid or scar tissue in the abdomen. She said it’s not in the colon. My oncologist will probably touch base with me soon. The GI doctor told me I probably need but really not needed, need to see a general surgeon to look inside my stomach to determine what it is down the road, she didn’t recommend it now with Covid. She said it’s not urgent. This makes me feel better.
    2 points
  18. Dont marry this man child who still lives at home at 36. He has no clue about living on his own or with you. He sounds very immature for his age. I predict a life of misery for you should you even move in with him, never mind marry him.
    2 points
  19. You don't actually outgrow old habits, you systematically replace old habits with new habits. Meaning that it takes very clear cut constructive action for a certain length of time to change your habits. Outgrow implies that it's a passive process, but in reality it's a very active, goal oriented process that requires active daily effort on your part. So work with your therapist to come up with small, concrete goals that you can reach and then actively pursue that change. I say small, because you are more likely to reach your overall big goals by breaking them up into small pieces you can
    2 points
  20. Another thing about Greek people: Their normal speaking voice tends to be yelling. My mom and my sister yell at each other from five feet away. I saw a meme a number of years back, "I'm not yelling; I'm Greek. We just talk this way." So accurate. I've seen the same meme for Italians. Maybe there's one for Armenians, too. The structural guy is Armenian, and every conversation with him is basically a yelling match. There's absolutely no anger--he doesn't have the ego thing. I just have to bellow at him at top volume. It's like trying to rein in a runaway horse. I don't mind at all, rea
    2 points
  21. This may sting a bit, but I’m going to hold the mirror up for you and I hope you can open your mind and understand the part you played in this. 1.) 6 weeks of dating, his dad becomes ill to the point he and his mom must take care of him. That’s pretty significant, and yet you have arguments about not being able to see each other for the holidays. Seriously it’s been 6 weeks and his dad is ill. He shouldn’t be with you for the holidays, he should be with his family. 2.) 8 weeks of dating, he finds out his dad has TERMINAL CANCER. Yet you complain about photos he’s liking and women he’
    2 points
  22. Please, he knows it's wrong to behave that way in a relationship. That's just a story you're telling yourself to "justify" staying with him. Look, you don't owe anyone an explanation for why you're choosing to stay with him. If you think you are the one who needs to "change" and you're assigning yourself the "blame" for the things he's done or you're making excuses for him, I would conclude that you really want to hold onto this relationship and will find reasons (excuses?) to do so. But again, it's your life and you have the absolute right to make your own choices. I will advise i
    2 points
  23. Congrats to you! I am partially retired. Time is still full with errands, volunteering and travel -Covid has made that a bit of an issue-friends, and mom. What are your interests? A dear friend had taken up art classes, and she's very good. I think that you will soon find your time to be full, as you reconnect with folks and discover new passions.
    2 points
  24. I wouldn't be upset with the prenup, but I would have been upset about this: ""yea sure, get married so you can screw me when you leave" Huge red flag on his views on you and relationships with women. My main question is, why are you with someone who is 36 and living with mommy and daddy and has nothing going for him? You have your life together, what makes his situation attractive, on top of his thinking? This guy sounds like a bum and a manchild
    2 points
  25. it can take a while to see someone's true personality. That comment and tone you picked up, prime example. It can also take time for incompatibilities to surface. But honestly why does he live with his parents at this advanced age? if there is some reason, ok. but.... this is red flag. Moving out on your own, having your own things, taking responsibility for yourself is fundamental to adulthood. The man is almost forty... does he have any life experience? does know how to pay bills, file taxes, handle emergencies, do laundry, cook? Or are you going to have to play mommy? dump th
    2 points
  26. You are NOT damaged goods. Not ever! They are completely without compassion .
    2 points
  27. I'm confused as to why you didn't see the red flags he's like this in the two years you've been dating him though. Anyway... it just sounds like he's not marriage material. If he can't tell you're not evil after 2 years of dating, he's not right for you imo.
    2 points
  28. My first thoughts reading about Simon's response were of the dad in Big Fat Greek Wedding... his ego they needed to make sure was intact when making changes or challenging him, it's a good life skill in a way LOL
    2 points
  29. On Wednesday, I provoked Simon to the point where he called me up and yelled at me for a half an hour. A lot of his argument was a nonsensical tirade, and I didn't bother to put up a fight. It just would have mushroomed the situation. He was angry that I called him out about the law, and angry about a subsequent email that I sent him about the lack of QC in the company. In the QC email, I brought up an issue that happened back in December, and that triggered him even more. Oops. I didn't really argue back, except to insist that I sent the QC email out of concern for the company, and
    2 points
  30. Actually this incident doesn't matter. Something else was going on. It sounds like he found someone else to date and used this as an excuse to exit. Stop trying to reconcile or be friends. It ran it's course. He's done. Clearly he is busy with someone and no longer interested, otherwise you would have heard from him. The tealeaves you want so desperately to mean something don't mean anything because You contacted him. Try not to let Covid, isolation and boredom allow you to make bad decisions like that desperate text. If you are lonely and want to date again get a good
    2 points
  31. His parents are right to be concerned if he's this "clingy" with you and has issues with depression and anxiety. You two don't have a healthy relationship, by the sounds of it. It's not good or loving to be clingy with each other. It's probably better to end this so you can form healthier relationships with other people around you, rather than be emotionally-dependent on someone you can hardly ever meet.
    2 points
  32. You also have to recognize that you knowingly and willingly took part in being his FWB, knowing he was "always on drugs and never sober and off his face" and didn't walk away when he treated you badly. You say you have a family now and couldn't ask for more. That's good. Focus on your own family and forget about an old loser from the past. Use that time and energy on your own family.
    2 points
  33. Try to look on the bright side, this was only 6 months, no kids involved, and really it’s good he’s telling you he’s not able to do it. Believe that, even if he changes it later because that’s a serious thing, and I feel like it’s something he could keep bringing up over and over again in the future. Don’t try to convince him that you love him, this issue isn’t about love and this will turn into a never ending reassurance game that will never be resolved. You should have been upfront in the first month with him about it, but totally understand why you wouldn’t, very difficult subject atta
    2 points
  34. Please take a deep breath and step back from this a little bit. I know it's hard, but you need to give yourself some breathing room and some perspective. At 6 months, no matter the talk about future plans, it's just dreamy talk. You don't know each other enough to know if there really is a future for you both together. In fact, beware of men who future talk like that too early precisely because you don't have a solid foundation yet. Six months in, your relationship is still in its infancy, untried, untested, and still very much in they honey moon stage. On that note, this is your tes
    2 points
  35. I agree. I am so sorry that you are stuck in this situation, but he is clearly not the man for you. Unfortunately, most people ignore the fact that prostitutes are usually victims of sexual abuse and trafficking. It's really terrible. You just have to look at the whole Jeffrey Epstein thing to see how children and young women are marginalized while the men walk away squeaky clean. You are definitely not alone. Seriously, look into the Jeffrey Epstein thing. There are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of other young women like you out there, who think they've been forever ta
    2 points
  36. If that's the way he feels, then it's best that he leaves. I wouldn't fight for him to stay with you as he will always hold it against you one way or another. You cannot have a good, strong, healthy relationship when one side is forever holding something against you. Let him go. It was a very short 6 months - not that much time to really get to know someone well. Cut your losses and don't waste anymore time and energy on him. The unfortunate thing about stuff like this is that "mud sticks". Some people can accept it, for many it's a deal breaker etc. I agree with Lambert above:
    2 points
  37. Thanks everyone, Not talking to her for a day helped me put things into perspective and understand what you have all been saying. I've been stuck at home for a long while now and it probably made me look for things that aren't there. We are back to the way we were before and I don't feel bad anymore. I just hope the pandemic ends soon... Thank you!
    2 points
  38. I think a lot of changing habits has to do with and be a conscious choice. Not just the act you're trying to change but the actions, people and places that make it too difficult to stick to your intentions. I've also spent time reflecting on what I want to be or how people with a boundary I want would be. Some of it is also the practice. Every time you make a good choice, hold yourself or others accountable, uphold a boundary, etc you are building that strength and creating a new future.
    1 point
  39. I had very serious child abuse as a child and have PTSD and panic disorder and my husband had GAD and OCD. Neither of us break things because we have had treatment. Treatment is not the enemy.
    1 point
  40. When I signed the divorce papers I still thought about what my ex would feel and vice versa. It was very hard. I can understand that you still care for this person but it's time to put your needs and the needs of your kids first. If you feel this is best, then so be it. Take it off as you would a bandaid in a kind way and then let time do the rest. You cannot take on the world's problems. You seem to be determined and know what's best for you so now it's a matter of putting things into action. When you feel shaky and that you might falter think about what you have written here and the re
    1 point
  41. Way to go! We are sort of retired, we have an online biz that is slow at this time of year. My husband was self employed for 23 yrs before we moved, almost 5 yrs ago. He's never been so happy despite loving his job. He's a car guy, he's got projects in his shop and we have 1.5 acres so in the summer there's always something to do. He's got two of our classic cars done and sorted and there's a few more as well. We just started painting the living room today, wanted to do it since we moved in. Finally! In summer we have breakfast on the back deck, followed by a big pot of tea
    1 point
  42. Congratulations on your long and fruitful career. Hope you will not retire from the forum 🙂 Sipping an espresso while browsing through the forum, is my proposal for a new habit in the morning.
    1 point
  43. It sounds like you're not ready to date yet, OP. There's nothing wrong with that, but until you process the pain of your divorce and really heal, a relationship isn't going to work.
    1 point
  44. Would rather just stay single for the forseeable future if things don't work out between he and I. Thank you wise man for the response. Just an FYI to add for anyone els; he would like for us to rent a house together this spring .
    1 point
  45. Thank you for the advice. I don't think I have been focusing on the bigger picture. Part of me thinks that BF does not "get" some conventional social things that I think most people do in relationships. Like, I feel that his behavior might have been because he simply just didn't know what is right and wrong in a relationship. The problems that I have talked about in the post aren't actively being made right now. So, looking at everything, maybe I just had to teach him what I personally wanted in a relationship, but after that he adheres to the boundaries that we have set. Nevertheles
    1 point
  46. I'm sorry for all you have been through. I can understand his decision to end the relationship. Yes, that hurts. But! he has no right to say things that belittle And guilt you and then ask you to 'keep trying to show him'. Like he's so great. You cannot change the past. Maybe he has never had to do whatever it takes to survive. But he has no right to say he's disgusted and sad... and judge you like this. break up? ok... but this? he's a self righteous jerk. I think you should forgive yourself for this and maybe you'll need to talk to a therapist to help with that. Your pas
    1 point
  47. 1 point
  48. Honestly, you dodged a bullet and found out about this weirdness relatively early on.
    1 point
  49. The first time I saw this was in a youth hostel on Venice beach...found it really funny - not very accurate - but funny nonetheless!
    1 point
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