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About villagehero

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  1. It’s a bit dramatic, I admit and perhaps my writing style does exude a hint of over exuberance but it’s all just personal thoughts that I don’t necessarily have anywhere else to release. Basically, I was in a long term relationship 8 years ago for over 8 years. We had a child during year 5 and then it ended. It ended poorly due to a rough fallout mainly created by my infidelity in the early years. 95% of this thread is dedicated to that story. Fast forward to 2 years ago I found myself in a other relationship with another woman. The night I was going to end it she told me she wa
  2. I posted about my newborn baby but perhaps I did not give enough context as to how I arrived at that position or even more how I feel about it. This is that story: It was a cold December back in 2018. I had just returned from a trip to NYC with my new girlfriend Lina. We had been dating for a little under a year and it was a refreshing experience to say the least. We are both from the same country and share a lot of similarities (and plenty of differences too). It took my mind off of my ex and also reminded me of the fun particulars during the early stages of a relationship. No dra
  3. She still haunts my dreams. During waking hours I don’t even flinch anymore yet my subconscious will play some rendition of the same situation in my head at night. There are periods of nothing which is great but lately I’ve kept repeating the same movie with no beginning or end. It’s us getting along and being friendly with peppered moments of a defunct attraction. Even as I lay here in bed next to my new wife at 4am, my past lays still suspended in time in my ego’s eye.
  4. Today marks 6 years. It’s 2am and sitting in my driveway inside my car while my newborn son and girlfriend sleep in the house. My ex took my daughter to my home country for the next 5 days. She is now nine years old. Her mother is still with the DJ. It’s safe to say they are committed. Which is fine. Doesn’t bother me. Our co-parenting has taken a turn for the worst. Words have been said that can never be forgotten. To think that right now 6 years ago I would do anything to be with her again and now the sheer thought is inconceivable. We have verbally tore each other apart and my daug
  5. Honestly, this is my diary in a way. I know my posts have been prolongued somewhat but it's nice to know that I can always come back and just release. Good to hear from you Sky! How are you? Seems like you've been here from the beginning and I really appreciate that. I believe I've let go but there are days when the what if's come running back to my mind ( so then perhaps I haven't). You are absolutely right in terms of committing myself. I am genuinely happy with my new girlfriend and am processing it as best as I can while still dealing with my past life on a regular basis. She is hel
  6. No but it's really been in the back of my mind lately. I'm not sure to what end it the sessions will take me but perhaps it's a simple approach to compiling everything I perceive through a different perspective. I will look into this again (especially since I have insurance).
  7. I've been in a relationship with another woman for about 9 months now. The past finally met the present when this weekend at an event I was doing photography for my current gf met my ex. I also continue to see my exes bf everywhere and we still don't really acknowledge or speak to each other since that incident a few years back. Lately I feel empty. Although I am in a relationship with someone that really cares for me and I care for her as well, my emotions almost seem fried and numb. Perhaps it's the cold, impersonal relationship that I have with the mother of my child and everyt
  8. Where to start. As I sit at the airport mindlessly waiting for the my next flight I thought it only proper to take time to write down some thoughts that have been lingering for quite some time. It's difficult to summarize the multitude of situations that have transpired between my and my ex. In regards to all those attempts at winning her back I think it's safe to say it's absolutely never going to happen. Her and her boyfriend (the one from day 1) have moved in/purchased a home together. I'm not exactly sure as to their plans in regards to marriage but at this point it wouldn't surpris
  9. "I have thought about about us getting back together.." These are the words that I thought I would never hear. They were preceded with a myriad of angry comments regarding her time with me but yet she still managed to express some sense of longing. It all started during Mother's day of 17'. I had dropped of my daughter at my ex's grandmother's house for the mother's day celebration they were having. I walked in briefly to greet everyone after she invited me in a non-chalant way. It felt alien but I still put on a smile. To my surprise, most of her family was genuinely happy to see
  10. Hi everyone. It's been quite some time since I've been on here. With the passing years of course a lot of changes have ensued but nothing too dramatic on my end. The relationship between me and my ex has ebbed and flowed and right now we are on "stable" terms. She is still with the same guy from day one. I started writing a post on Word last year and I might post it to really put in perspective the situation with me and this dude. We had an altercation, to say the least. The emotional side of me is healed but not healed completely, or rather not moved on completely. But
  11. Today marks my daughters 6th birthday. It also marks the 3rd birthday I've celebrated since all this went down. My yearning is gone but again, I still feel I will never be 100% healed. Since my last post, I've dealt with arguments, we went to the movies "as a family" (where we discussed feelings blah blah blah), almost got into a fist fight with her bf (exactly a year ago) and many other things. I've dated women since then. One that I really liked couldn't date me because I had a daughter (cut her off ). Love is nowhere to be found. Is it because I still have this sli
  12. Dreams are such a wonderful yet dreadful experience to me. All at once the reality of anything we could possibly imagine is both alive and vivid, depicting a kaleidoscope of emotions and feelings in a timeless atmosphere. The dread lies when the dream is a reality we awake out of. Imagine hugging someone close and experiencing the euphoric bliss that intimate physicality allows only to have it dissipate instantly like a ghost. My mind continues to torture me with dreams of her. It's always us falling in love again or being in love once more and it's always the last track on the playli
  13. W, I know where you are coming from and empathize with how you are feeling. I'm approaching on two years this October since my breakup and I occasionally have dreams about her and can't go more than two days without thinking about her. Although I must continue contact with her due to our daughter, it still feels like I miss the person she used to be towards ME. Which is my next point. I believe both you and I are holding on to the person they used to be. It's difficult to imagine but the identity ingrained within us about them is only a 2 dimensional image. We are attached to how t
  14. THIS!! It's such an empowering feeling to know what when we put strong emotional intention on something we seek, the results are nothing short of amazing. Yesterday was a very low point for me. Not as traumatic as last year but still a moment of pain. I began seeking, searching, ANYTHING that could possibly help me. When my emotions were chaotic sometime last year, I began listening to content about the Law of Attraction such as 'The Secret' and other like material. Obviously this can be seen as new-age feel good advice but I have witnessed the power of it even before I knew what it
  15. It seems that everything that I fear happening has come to fruition. Today me and my ex spoke and outlined the next step in this whole saga. Her and her boyfriend are moving in together along with my daughter. I had a premonition of such thing when she said she wanted to talk to me. For some time she had been discussing moving out of her apartment and possibly moving in with another girlfriend of hers, but I knew deep down this would not be true. Their relationship has been going on for a year and a half so it's only logical that she will want to bridge the gap and move closer and
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