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heartslament

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  1. Thank you for your reassurance again. ❤️ That's very true. I guess what matters is if the partner believes you are worth sticking by no matter how rough the times get. If they treat you like you're disposable/replaceable then they aren't worth it. I sure hope I will find love again. Yeah... You're right about that. Now that I think about it, he hasn't had much time to recuperate and reflect on what went wrong in our relationship, and even though he said in the past that he's had a good amount of time to move on (because he's the one who distanced himself from me before deciding
  2. Yeah, that is true... I did learn a lot from our relationship. Tonight I am spiraling again, especially because I wasn't actually able to do the phone session with my therapist due to my cough being so bad... I woke up feeling fine, even happy about him being out of my life, but then I started to remember how I gave him my first "intimate time" which I was saving for someone deserving of it and special who I thought I'd be with long-term, and I feel so regretful. And I am also feeling very pained because he got to know me and talk with me more than anyone else in my entire life, and now he's h
  3. It's relieving to hear that what I'm going through is normal. 🙂 Yeah, especially as a pretty big perfectionist and idealist, it downright sucks that the bad parts are as bad as they are. I know they could be worse, but he did hurt me quite a lot, and I hurt him too. It's just so unfortunate. But... as my first relationship, and as his longest relationship, I'd say we did the best we could. I've tried to think everything through. I am glad I have the insight to see what I need to improve. Thanks! ❤️
  4. I definitely will! 🙂 Thank you! You think so? Yeah... he initially seemed very mature for his age (he actually looked like he was older than me, even though I knew his age because it was displayed on the dating app, heh) but he seems to be fairly immature compared to what I need in a partner. Though, I'm not really one to talk. I'm immature too. ^_^;; I'm actually planning on focusing on myself for the foreseeable future! I want to create a stable and steady foundation so that I finally love myself and won't ever depend so heavily on anyone else again. Even though there's something
  5. Oh, hi again, dear! ❤️ Yeah, you are probably right. I thought I was done having him on a pedestal and looking at him through rose-colored glasses, but I guess I'm still doing that. He was pretty unkind when he was in a bad mood. And he was deceitful. And that was extremely cruel that he said that, I agree. He could have kept that thought to himself... even if he was trying to push me away by saying that, it was still very abhorrent. And the way he ran to the other girl quicker than a snap makes me feel like he didn't value me or our relationship very much at all. Maybe I've been paintin
  6. Yeah, I actually am having a phone call session with my therapist later today. Maybe I need to express to her how severely this is affecting me? I'm really sorry your mom would say things like that to you, too. Yeah, I'm trying my best to give her a break now. And thanks! I hope she improves soon, too. What an unfortunate holiday season, with COVID and heartbreak. 😢 Ah, I hope it doesn't take me that long. I'm a bit worried because I'm slipping back into the "false hope" and "romanticizing/idealizing" stage. My anxious mind has convinced me that my ex was the best guy and I blew i
  7. Update-update: My dad came upstairs to talk to me and he was really sweet! :') My mom is just really sick today with COVID so she's extra prickly... but it also is understandable that they want me to stop focusing so much on the breakup because what's done is done and I can't change the past... I know that my parents are trying their best. I'm really grateful that my parents are kind overall. Sorry if I worried anyone.
  8. Update: I'm actually feeling even worse now... I reached out to my mom to try to get comfort again, and she was exasperated (surprise, surprise) and said that I'm selfish and I should think about other people for a change instead of talking about "my problems"... even though she knows how much this has been devastating me. And she along with my dad keep on telling me to "move on already" even though it's only been almost a month. For some people it takes years to get over heartbreak. I hate that my parents are so unsupportive and terrible. I hate that I have next to no friends. I feel so alone
  9. Thank you so much for your continued support, dear! ❤️ Yeah... I definitely need to be patient with myself, and stop kicking myself in the teeth. I've beat myself up all my life, and look where that's gotten me... it's just put me in an insecure position all the time. If I hug myself and tell myself that it's not all my fault, and I am worthy of love from myself and others, then that would help me tremendously, I think. Wow! Thank you so much for your very detailed and precise reply! I really like everything you said, but especially that I can decide at any point that I'm done with my
  10. Wow... thank you from the bottom of my heart for your incredibly thorough and accurate response. You know, these are exactly the words I've been needing to hear. It really is like a prison, to rely on being in a relationship or even a crush on someone for my only joy. It's not fair that I've convinced myself of that. And although it's going to be really difficult to break out of this cycle that I've chained and shackled myself to, it's going to be more than worth it! :') -social distance hug- I'm going to try my best to do all the things I keep putting off, like reading and writing and d
  11. Thank you for such a kind message. Yeah... I guess it's good that I got it out. I am well aware that I've got some growing up to do. I just feel so guilty and terrible for potentially accidentally abusing and manipulating him. I feel like such a garbage person. I... I'm tearing up as I type this because I'm so angry and frustrated at myself for being so desperate for love and a boyfriend. I miss his cuddles... I miss his kisses... I mostly just miss his affection. It made me feel happy and valuable. I'm terrified I won't ever find anyone else to give me that again. And I'm terrified that I wil
  12. I feel so terrible. Please, anyone who has the power, delete this thread... please...
  13. I feel... really embarrassed now. Is there a way to delete this thread forever? 😢
  14. We were together on-and-off since November of last year; steady since February of this year. I'm 23 and he's 21.
  15. Hi, I already posted here about my situation, but in case you don't know, my first love dumped me and then kissed another girl within a week of that. I've been torn up inside about things, because it's a very... "grey area," rather than black or white. Rather than him doing something absolutely dreadful and me being practically an angel the whole relationship, or vice-versa, I realize that I had a lot of faults and he did too. I mean, for goodness sakes, I was the one who dumped him within about two days of him asking me to be his girlfriend last autumn. But then I got back together with
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