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browneyedgirl36 last won the day on March 30 2013

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About browneyedgirl36

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  1. You're not stupid at all -- you have some good boundaries, but you just need to learn to exercise them a bit more confidently AND to be able to accept that a guy may want something different than what you want and be able to just let it go if that's the case. There's no need for a whole bunch of explanation -- just keep it short and sweet: Let the guy know that you're interested and want to get to know him better, but that you aren't going to meet at his home (or yours) right away, and if that's OK with him, then great, you can plan a date, and if it's not OK, then no hard feelings, and you
  2. I think it's very possible he was interested in sex, hence inviting you to his place when there really is no need for it this early on, but I also think there's a very real possibility that you over-explained, provided too many justifications for not being alone with him, and he may very well have been overwhelmed by it (especially as you two don't know each other well yet) and/or he may have felt like you were accusing him of something. (It's also perfectly OK for him to want sex on the third date -- it doesn't make him a terrible person -- but he has to understand that you are in no way ob
  3. Exactly. I have told a couple of friends pretty much this same thing when they struggled with wondering what was going on with an ex or a guy they were interested in who wasn't sending clear signals that he wanted to be with them: It's either something, or it's nothing. You're either together, or you're not. Anything that's not "yes" is "no." This has always been true from my experience and the experiences of my friends and others I know. And, If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer but just don't want to believe it.
  4. I understand the urge to want to keep in contact. It's a totally normal, human thing. You think that by keeping contact MAYBE you can turn it around -- that maybe he'll see what he's lost and want it back. But...you're torturing yourself by keeping contact with him, which just keeps you hanging on while he's...moving on. I've been through this myself a few times, and in one case, I hung on for *gulp* a few years because the guy kept in contact with me and wouldn't just tell me to give up. (He finally did, which prompted me to do so, but UGH...I wish it hadn't had to come to that! Hearing
  5. As a huge, huge cat lover (currently have one of my three sitting on my chair with me as I write this) I'm horribly biased here, I know, but...I wouldn't move in with him if a condition of moving in was getting rid of my cats. And, I'd be a bit wary of being with a guy who would even suggest it, but you know him, I don't, so...only you can decide whether he's a good guy otherwise. (Note: If he "hates" cats, I'd give him the boot post haste --no room for cat haters in my house OR life.) Giving them to family is "a" solution, but...is it really what you want? If you want to be with the
  6. Yes! I had so many "a-ha" moments. It was the most significant learning experience of my life, dealing with that ex (and I'm 50 now, so that's saying a lot!) I was only able to meet my now-husband after I'd not only completely given up on a relationship with my ex, but also after I'd completely changed my thinking about love, relationships, and...myself. There was a reason I was on that rollercoaster for so long, and it wasn't because my ex was some wonderful guy who was worth all that suffering (quite the opposite, actually -- not worth it at all!) but because I had convinced myself I
  7. I may be repeating what others have said (apologies if this is the case as I haven't read every post.) I have a tremendous amount of experience with nearly the exact situation; please believe me when I say this: It's not going to change. For the better, anyway. If it changes at all, it will only get worse. I spent 6 years bending over backward to "win" the love of a guy who was sometimes lovely, sometimes horrible (and even when he was "lovely" he was still, in hindsight, not all that great, and his "lovely" times were much less frequent than his horrible ones.) I did everything I cou
  8. I see your point, but...there are a lot of people who DO associate missing/broken/otherwise "bad" teeth with drug use, being "low class," etc. I have heard/seen a lot of "hillbilly" and "meth head" jokes about people with less-than-perfect teeth, and I remember when my mom had lost a couple of teeth (and put off getting them fixed because of severe anxiety about having a major procedure), she NEVER smiled because she knew people would ask "What happened to your teeth?" and people actually did. I 've had students who dealt with this as well. I'm not generalizing that all Americans think thi
  9. If you're certain they won't say anything to her face, I would leave it alone unless/until they bring it up with you afterward. If/When they do, shut it down immediately by saying something like "I'd appreciate it if you kept your judgements about [insert name here]'s appearance to yourself. It is not your business, and I am not going to discuss it with you. Please respect my wishes" and leave it at that. I had to do something similar a few years ago -- but I did it pre-emptively -- when some family members with VERY divergent political views were coming to Thanksgiving dinner. My par
  10. It sounds like he got quite "triggered" (for lack of a better word) by getting kicked out of a Facebook group (which definitely says a lot about his maturity level right there), and that's pretty much the impetus for this whole thing. He's being ridiculous, and any lawyer worth anything wouldn't entertain his nonsense for even one second, let alone represent him in suing you. You've got nothing to worry about. While I have no doubt he DID say he was planning to sue you, I doubt he'll do it, and even if he tries, he has little to no chance of success.
  11. I typed out a HUGE response and then deleted it by mistake, but in essence, I was saying what a lot of people have said here: He's going to have a heck of a time proving defamation. First of all, he has to prove you actually did substantive damage (generally in the form of financial damage or damage to his reputation that harms him in some other significant way.) AND, he has to prove that you were lying about him. Simply talking to others about behavior that they also witnessed is NOT defamation; there's a big difference between saying, "Remember that time George got really mad at that fest
  12. Thanks to all who are sending well-wishes (and thanks, Seraphim, for starting this thread!) I live in California, more to the north, and while my city hasn't been in danger from the fires themselves (other than terrible, horrible air quality), my hometown (more to the middle of the state) was, and I spent a pretty traumatic weekend there a few weeks ago evacuating my disabled, elderly mom to a nearby hotel when my parents' neighborhood was under mandatory evacuation (my dad refused to evacuate, which is another story altogether and part of the "traumatic" part). My parents ended up being f
  13. Same here. It's a fact well-known by anyone who knows me for longer than five minutes that my cats are just about the most important things in the world to me. I would choose my cats over a significant other in a heartbeat (then again, no romantic prospect would last five seconds in my life if they expressed a dislike for my cats or even hinted that I should get rid of them, so...) I'm curious to know WHY he got rid of the cat, though I'm 100% certain the explanation would not change my answer in any way whatsoever. Edited to add: OK, you've explained his "reasoning," and I stick with
  14. Hmm...when my husband and I bought our house, most, if not all of the furniture, dishes, etc. were mine (he was much more of a "minimalist" and didn't have a lot of furniture or anything really after his first marriage ended, and I had a lot of my own stuff), so my "taste" just sort of took precedence, I guess, but he isn't particularly picky in that regard. (Thank god, 'cause I love my decorative pillows!) Still, I asked him, "Are you OK with orange dishes? Are you OK with a red toaster, coffee maker, etc.?" because I didn't want to force my "style" on him, but I already had so much of my o
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