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About once_a_red

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  • Birthday 03/29/1988
  1. It has left a mark. and in answer to wiseman’s question, I am not afraid of consequences. I just don’t want to explore divorce - think it just a nuclear option when I think this relationship can still work. I am honestly looking for suggestions or advice on whether it is possible to move forward from this and how?
  2. I don’t know if I am in denial, but I do feel there is respect and love. I felt quite proud of our communication till this point of time. But now I am so conflicted. I don’t know if calling it quits is the right answer.
  3. The trigger for today’s incident was that my mother is staying with us for a few weeks to recover from a surgery. She said something mildly patriarchal over breakfast this morning. I jocularly told my mom off for what she said while trying to deescalate the situation, but according to my wife, I was not strong enough and I did not support her. I said she was being unreasonable and that I would be willing to talk if she is calm about it. We did not speak for a few hours because she continued to be quite angry and confrontational, and when I refused to engage, she hit me
  4. I don’t even know whether I want to quit. I just feel numb. My mother suffered years of physical abuse from my father and I never thought this could ever happen to me.
  5. It was an arranged marriage and she has been struggling with some of the facets of the marriage - there was some patriarchy involved from my side of the family and I have been trying to help her deal with it. I don’t know if this has happened in any of her previous relationships before and hadn’t happened with us previously. I don’t want to quit and she is apologetic about it. But I don’t know how to prevent this from happening again. I feel like ***.
  6. Hi, I have been married for two years now my wife hit me twice today for the first time. Her stated reason was that I was not willing to talk to her when she wanted to - we had been having a quarrel since morning. I don’t know how to react. I don’t want to give up on the marriage but this is making me question whether I even know her at all. Any suggestions?
  7. Please help! I'm really struggling to understand how to proceed
  8. Ok folks. Short update. I had initiated no contact with my ex after posting about my dilemma on this forum. However, day before yesterday, my ex reached out. She has been facing an incredibly bad situation at work and will most likely lose her job. I was the first person she turned to for advice and support and I felt I had to try and cheer her up in any way I could. I sent her some flowers, told her she will get through it all and that she should not lose confidence in herself. We've been in frequent contact over the past couple of days and I get the sense that she is still super conf
  9. Thank you Chi and Carus. I'm gonna try going no contact for 30 days to start things off. Like you've rightly pointed out, trying to "win her over" will mean handling many more rejections and going through a lot of pain, which is not something I'm sure I have the temperament to do. I handle rejection really badly and take it very personally. No contact might be equally painful but at least will help me in the long run recover and be a better person (I hope)
  10. Thank you. The rational part of me thinks that that trying to move on is the best course of action. But at the same time, I'm worried about giving up too soon. Given how vague she is and the kind of mixed signals she's giving, do you think it makes sense to stay in touch with her hoping she comes around? I keep hearing stories from friends about how persistence sometimes ended up saving their relationship, and I don't know if I'm being persistent enough.
  11. Hi, I had been dating this amazing amazing girl for almost a year now. We are both almost 30 and belong to a culture where there's significant social pressure to get married before a certain age. Things seemed to be going well until about a month ago, when she told me that: a. She really likes me but isn't able to fall "in love" with me (her reference point for "in love" being her first serious relationship a few years ago) b. She wants to explore whether she can fall "in love" with someone else or whether she's just being unreasonable in her expectations c. It would be unfair to exp
  12. Thank you everyone. This has been a very useful - I was on the verge of contacting my ex last night The forum posts have helped me realize (for now) that it's probably for the best that we are not together. I'll continue to work on my recovery and consciously not try to dwell on the past.
  13. I know the answer to the above question is in most cases is "No", but I want to understand whether this is the right thing to do in my specific situation. My long-time girlfriend (off and on for 5 years) and I formally broke up in early March after basically spending all of February fighting. The fight started when she told me how her mom did not think I was good enough for her daughter and was trying to set her up with someone else. I called her out for letting her mom bad-mouth me. She started acting cold and distant post this fight and after a month of trying to tolerate her bad behav
  14. Thanks a lot for your responses everyone. We broke up last week - I had to eventually end it because she just did not have the heart to tell me she had changed her mind and wanted out. I honestly did not believe a lot of you when you said that I should prepare myself for the worst, because we were going great and this came completely out of the blue. I feel really bad because I thought she was the one. I hope she regrets it. Just wanted to vent. Why are women so difficult?!
  15. Thanks mhowe - while this is possible, I'm not sure if it is likely. We spent a couple of weeks together not less than a month ago. This has come a bit out of the blue. What would you recommend as an action from my side? Sit and wait? Talk it out?
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