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j.man last won the day on February 8 2020

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About j.man

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  1. Not seeing the issue. Honestly, I wouldn't have even reached out after the change in events. Would've figured my wife would get to enjoy a one-on-one activity with her sibling. Nothing wrong with you two doing your own thing one Friday afternoon.
  2. I'd argue the exact opposite. Someone gets half of your $50 million, you're still in pretty solid shape with your $25million. If you're someone who, say, puts 8+ years of work and debt into school and only after marriage ends up seeing the financial benefits of it, it's pretty reasonable to make sure those benefits aren't forfeited by default to a fully employed spouse and before any children have been introduced into the equation. In any case, this situation has very little to do with pre-nups. The guy's obviously still jaded. It's a toxic element which should be heavily considered
  3. Speaking personally, my life's too short to share what's supposed to be a home and sanctuary with someone who's demonstrably willing to inflict physical harm on me. And while tertiary to the risk of immediate physical harm to your person, it is still important to consider if ever you're put in a position to defend yourself, even an abrasion or bruise from restraining or shoving her away can be enough to get you at the very least considered equally culpable from a legal standpoint when matters are reduced to your word against hers. I can't tell you not to try to salvage things. Again, I
  4. Why should he have to gripe about work or "things that may be bothering him?" A lot of people prefer to share much more positive things, such as a construction or landscaping project gone right. Especially with someone fresh they're still getting to know. And admittedly yeah, it probably is a not-so-subtle "look what I can bring to the table" sort of flaunt. You either dig it or you don't. Fair enough either way. I'd worry much less on what problems or mundane everyday details he chooses to complain and overshare about. If you're not building positive and enjoyable experiences with
  5. I just keep saying what I was saying.
  6. I'd hate to pull the legs off a spider, but it really is bewildering how this comes to a head after several years and a child together. Moreover, being the dark when it comes to the finances of the person you share a home and child with (and possibly custody of another kid?) is likewise mind-numbing. I get you're not married, but having some vague idea of what kind of financial security your child would have should something happen to you or even should you simply lose your job is pretty ****in' barebones need-to-know. Sadly, how long you've been letting this dynamic run its course is
  7. It's a difficult situation. There's a fine line between "mothering" him and outright dismissing him. Speaking personally, the wife and I are among the incredibly privileged to essentially have our biggest economic consequence be having to work more from home. Our careers have been virtually untouched, and mine having in fact improved (by no effort for my part). Frankly, if I were in a position to where I was furloughed during the first lockdown, went back to work under very questionable circumstances, and then experienced yet another furlough during a second lockdown amid a double-dip rece
  8. Who initiated and got the first dates rolling to begin with? Literally anything that could be said about them not reaching out to you could be said if you don't or wouldn't have reached out to them. It's not a man's "job" to do anything for a strange woman, no yours to do anything for a strange man. If you want something, go for it. If you feel you're putting a disproportionate effort in, then let it go. That's a genderless concept. However, if say a man initiates and gets the first date arranged, maybe pays, passes the ball to you for the easy layup letting you know he's interested
  9. Paternity has been established, which is far and away the biggest obstacle to having child support ordered. From there, it's pretty much algorithmic. You need to go file for it. I just feel bad for the dude who was told the newborn kid was his for 1.5 years despite you knowing you were sexually active with another man in that time. I can't even imagine.
  10. The golfing thing is a non-issue. And honestly, if you're not feeling it, stop going golfing with him. Having at least a couple separate hobbies is more often than not a very healthy relationship dynamic. The whole wedding thing depends. I don't know how much of it is him interrupting your steak dinner to remind you that your daughter is signing her death warrant for having a wedding in Chicago or whether you're simply including him too much in the discussion, wherein yes, he's going to give his opinion when solicited for it. At the end of the day, it's her wedding, and that's that.
  11. So your biggest gripe against a boyfriend who seemingly makes a habit of borrowing money from multiple people is that he pays them back quicker than you? I mean you could print out a page of all of us saying he should be paying you back quicker and without solicitation, but at the end of the day you'll still have someone on your hands who's-- at least by your account-- a pretty notorious mooch. And insofar as you're cool with that, I'm not sure what great results you're otherwise expecting.
  12. Really hard to pass judgement. What happens in families and between siblings from childhood into adulthood is incredibly variable. I ultimately wouldn't condemn a sibling to homelessness if push came to shove, but there are certainly a couple siblings I'd hesitate more than the others to clean the sheets for. Add to that some people just have an escalated need for privacy. If your brother's single with no wife, kids, or pets and yet is sitting in a 5BR house on a 3 acre plot, my guess is that entire formula is likely at least in large part non-coincidental. I also don't have any broth
  13. I'd be interested in some clarification myself. I'm an introvert. Introversion has nothing to do with who gathers at whose place across the street. There are no boundaries to set nor any feelings you or your husband need to consider if other grown adults are doing as they please peacefully in their own homes or property. With respect to how much it must suck to live with such anxiety, and assuming I'm inferring the context correctly, this really is a "you" problem I wouldn't take shortcuts in addressing professionally.
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