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catfeeder last won the day on January 31

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  1. The most helpful step I ever took was to get clear with myself about what I want. First. Up front. Before dealing with anyone else. I decided that I am relationship material, and what I want out of dating is to find a good match for a committed relationship. Nothing less--OR nothing at all. I'm good with that. From there, I had the clarity and the bravery to always put that out on the table. First. Up front. To screen out anyone who couldn't agree that he was seeking the exact same things that I want. No 'confUsion'. No 'casual'. No 'friendship-then-see what happens...' No 'I do
  2. I'm not a believer in trying to trash all hope after a breakup that you don't want. However, I'm a strong believer in teaching yourself how to move that hope to a back burner. From there you can relax and trust that if it's a 'meant to be deal,' your ex will have no trouble catching up to you to make that message clear. Meanwhile, recognize that NObody wants to resume the same old relationship with the same old person. The only attraction for an ex is to reach their own higher ground while YOU climb to yours. This negates stagnation as you focus on moving your own life forward and st
  3. Yep. Challenge yourself to notice it less and not feel so threatened by it. Clothes are just ...clothes. Sure, they're fun decorations, but they only hold the meaning that we want to assign to them. So if you're assigning the kind of meaning that makes you territorial and miserable, why not change your focus so you can enjOy setting trends? The best way to thwart overly friendly people at work is to be kind-but-busy. I deflect by setting a 3 PM walk time. Then I can shut them down throughout the day by saying we can discuss it at 3. I ended up collecting a whole group of people who j
  4. This is how you can stumble across the things that inspires you to push on occasion, only it will be selective and voluntary rather than a constant state of being. I like to call it 'puttering,' and it's one of my favorite things. EnjOy!
  5. One way to break that string would be to stop dating people who aren't right for you. Rather than labeling relationships as failures, why not view them as just staying too long with the wrong person? Most people are NOT our match. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds. This means that most perfectly kind and good people are just not RIGHT for us. Wrong matches don't need to be villains. Dating is a 'needle in a haystack' thing. That's why it requires the discretion to know your own mind and heart, the ability to recognize bad matches when you meet them, and the resilie
  6. This tells you all you need to know. Research the term 'rebound,' and learn why walking away right now is the only potential shot you have of reserving any possible future outcomes. Meanwhile, you can raise your own bar on a drug-free life and raise your standards to reach your own higher ground. Then, if the guy is ever capable of meeting you in that place, he will let you know. Otherwise, you'll be on the right path to a more productive future with a stable foundation to seek a better relationship. Right now, this guy is not relationship material, and there's nothing you can do to
  7. Out of millions of people in the world, why would you subscribe to this one person being THE ONLY all-or-nothing deal for your whole future love life?
  8. I would ask daughter if I can talk with her, and I'd sit on a couch and hold her hand. I'd look her in the eye and tell her, "I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am that I hurt your feelings about the eggs. I was smiling because I was caught up in your happiness, and I promise you that if it were any other food than the one thing that causes me illness, I would have grabbed that fork in a heartbeat. I love you so much, and it pains me to have you so angry with me." If she'd allow me a hug, I'd do that. If she wants to gripe, I'd listen without going defensive. I'd probably resp
  9. Being surrounded by friends is not the best time to make a phone call--or possibly even a text. We don't know how your SO perceived the situation in that moment, but since you'd already declined, I'd chalk it up to "doesn't matter..." It's not fair to expect someone on the go to stay plugged into communications that they are not expecting. If you'd remarked that this is an emergency, I'd expect a call back, but not a question that's long since become a moot point.
  10. How would a bunch of strangers on the Internet know any better than you? What do YOU think?
  11. You know the saying, "Choose your friends carefully..."? I'd suggested heeding it.
  12. Research the term 'rebound' and learn why getting yourself to a healthy place of stabilizing solo only sets you up for a more successful relationship later.
  13. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for a person we love is remove ourselves from their life unless and until they seek the professional help that they need--and work it properly enough to stabilize and become healthy relationship material.
  14. Dating is not about taking on another adult as a healing project. He's a grown man and fully capable of seeking the help that he needs. If he's unwilling to do that, it makes no sense to keep him in your life to your own detriment and a negative impact on your kids. Mom first, girlfriend second--and only to man who will step up to take proper care of himself. Screen carefully.
  15. Good example, because 'honesty' is not an all-or-nothing blurt of unfiltered thoughts. It's a balance between kind delivery and mature discretion--in that adults are not obligated to answer every question we are asked. We each define what is private and best left unspoken (discussing sexual history with a date) versus deciding what another has a right to know (status of sexually transmitted disease). So what, exactly, are the habits you want to change?
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