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About hidden_kitten

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  1. Today was another really unproductive day...I’ve been back on antidepressants for a week, completely unrelated to the split but hope they’ll keep me on an even keel. Couldn’t face doing anything or going out though. Horrible heavy feeling in my chest...thought I’d manage to escape that bit. I hope things open up again next month so I can distract myself somehow.
  2. Thank Jibralta - when we last met I asked him to please carry on with looking after his mental health, but he says that he’s probably left it too late and that he’s broken. He’d be keeping me prisoner bla bla bla. Before the lockdowns we were talking about moving in together and he brought it up again just a few weeks ago....but a part of me could tell his heart wasn’t all in it. Thank goodness we didn’t start the mortgage application process! I now have £20k in savings that was to go towards the deposit...I guess I should look at places on my own but unfortunately it narrows the cho
  3. Messaged a friend who responded later on at night. I didn’t tell her about the split yet, but I might call her at the weekend for a longer chat. Trying to resist the urge of messaging ex. I hate even calling him that. No idea what I even want to say, because I’ve done the pleading a million times before during break ups and it never works. Although I seem to superficially be taking this better than previous splits, the rejection is still there and I can’t help but wonder what is wrong with me. And why the men I date never seem to want to work things out together or communicate proper
  4. I’m struggling today. Stupidly let friendships slide during my relationship and now I don’t know how to approach them to reconnect. Ok, yes, I know sending a message would be the first step but there’s no guarantee they’ll answer and I need something in real time. Napped for two hours just to make the day pass quicker. Hate this hate this hate this.
  5. Also, does any one else swipe left if they have the same first name as an ex 😆
  6. Still bad snow so in-office work has been postponed until next week. There’s things I could carry on working on at home but putting off until tomorrow. Mucked around on photoshop instead. Looking around on dating apps, yes it’s stupidly early but desperately need some distraction. No idea how dating would actually work right now - video dates? No thanks! Getting on top of decluttering, boxes and boxes of junk to go through! I’m way too sentimental and hold onto everything.
  7. Thanks guys. Didn’t sleep much last night, and was scheduled to go into the work today (can’t do all my duties from home) so was close to calling out. Glad I went in though. Boss was snowed in so ended up just working on another project to distract me for a couple of hours then came home and caught up on sleep. I’ve been ok otherwise, I just hate the ongoing uncertainty of everything so being single again won’t help. On the plus side, I left the retail job for a FT role at the arts centre I had volunteered/worked PT at. Managed a week of work getting barely trained on my new job
  8. Ha, I was rubbish at journaling in 2020 as well! Here’s another try. I’m feeling sorry for myself, the relationship mentioned in my first post ended this weekend. Both of us haven’t been in a great place with the stress of lockdowns, furloughs, homeschooling etc etc etc! For three months I only saw him through video calls during the first lockdown, then been trying to see each other every weekend. He’s very prone to anxiety and depression, and is on medication for it, but was signed off work for most of January. There’s lots of things on paper (like my previous post) that shou
  9. I’ve not been very good at journaling this year! I’ve been dating someone for almost a year - we met last December. I do wonder if we’ll make it into the new year due to a few issues. He’s a single dad, first one I’ve ever dated, and I’ve spent a bit of time with his son but he has behavioural issues at home so not sure how I would handle this if I become step-mum. There’s also the topic of if I want my own child - I’m still not made up and honestly I don’t think he wants another one. He (my boyfriend) is currently living with his dad saving money and helping out (dad is registered disab
  10. Got seen by a doctor by just walking into the health centre and telling the receptionist that I would just sit and wait for the first available appointment that came up. Waited about 45 mins I think. I’ve not used the practice since I moved back here 4 years (!) ago, so didn’t recognise any of the GPs listed on the wall. The woman I saw is still in training to become a fully fledged GP but she seemed personable and listened so I’ve latched onto her and booked in for another visit re anxiety problems later in April. Meanwhile she couldn’t find any gland swelling and my lungs sounded clear. I’m
  11. Still feeling nauseous and generally unwell. Had a dry cough for over a week now. Tried to get a same day appointment with doctor but they had all been allocated by the time I got through. Will try again tomorrow
  12. Love life update - still with SH (the man mentioned previously). Should be seeing him tomorrow, eve though I’m ill and should probably decline. I have warned him though. Nephew update - still growing at a rate of knots. Still has a new ailment every time I see him and is probably the source of all the bugs I come down with right now. Got him new shirts, books and colouring pens for his first birthday.
  13. Urgh. I’m hating my 2nd job right now. Can’t say too much in detail incase it identifies me but there was an incident at a show tonight that I should have been able to deal with but the reality is I was caught off guard and ran around like a headless chicken trying to fix it. Part of my excuse is that I haven’t been given thorough training in what to do in such a situation, so while I was trying to make a decision some other people just made things worse! I don’t know what to do. My immediate reaction is just to hand in my notice and say “sorry, not for me”. But the prouder side wants to s
  14. Naff journal title but wanted something more interesting than “2019...” It’s almost March already! I’m still in rubbish hometown, still in my two rubbish jobs. Not happy with the schedule, or the work I do at either. Job 1 is still dull as dishwater customer service work. I have no interest in managing a team or a store so moving up in the obvious routes doesn’t appeal. There may be other roles that I can look into but I haven’t put in the time/motivation to do that yet. Job 2 feels like a sitcom every shift I walk into. Like an episode of Fawlty Towers where everything goes wrong
  15. Yeah, and I do find it hard to interpret other people’s tone so over the phone makes it even more difficult. I’m a doormat anyway so some people think they can say anything they like to me without thinking and I don’t push back...wish I knew how. She makes a lot of assumptions now and then...and she’s hoping to get a psychologist role!
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