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About Cynder

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    Taking No Crap Since 2004
  • Birthday November 12

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  1. Z has an appointment with her OBGYN today. She is three months into HRT and while it's working in a lot of respects, it's also causing some pretty bad side effects. I'm hoping the Doctor can help her resolve this. She wants them to lower the dose. It's not like it's causing any medical issues. But it's changed her personality and she's been depressed since starting on it. I'm still sick, stayed home today. I'm fortunate enough to have a job that is understanding when people are sick. Where I work would rather have someone stay home than come in and infect everyone there. I'v
  2. So, I was home sick yesterday from work and binge watched season 8 of Wentworth. There was a scene toward the end where a main character was slipped a large amount of Acid to get her to confess to a crime. I'm sure that's what triggered this dream. I dreamt last night that I was at a concert with my brother and a bunch of other people. This guy a few rows in front of us was selling acid and I bought two hits from him for $20. It was dark though so it took me a little bit to count out the money to give him. I had a bunch of singles. I gave one hit to my brother and then I was go
  3. I came home from work yesterday to find a bundle of multicolored daisies and a bottle of Green Kombucha on my desk. Yesterday was our 6 month anniversary. I honestly wasn't expecting anything from her. I am still learning to navigate a healthy relationship. So glad I'm getting back into therapy. But of course... my appointment this friday for therapy might have to be rescheduled, along with setting up a booth this weekend at a brick and mortar shop I'm supposed to start selling in... because I woke up sick this morning and now I have to go get another Covid test before I can re-enter
  4. This is a subject I could write a novel about, probably literally. I have had similar dreams of tripping at work. I've never done acid though. I did mushrooms on a houseboat in Amsterdam. My experience on them was more tactile than visual. I kept feeling the boat rocking when it wasn't. I kept feeling a sensation like being tickled with a feather, etc. I also took a small dose, though. I bought a 16th and only ate half of them because I wasn't sure how they would affect me. Ayahuasca is a whole different thing though. It's not recreational at all. My family thinks when I do it
  5. So last night I dreamt that my brother and I were hanging out with this pretty famous musician. I'm not saying who it was because they are basically a one hit wonder and no one I'm a fan of so it's kind of embarrassing. Not sure what triggered this dream. But my brother and I were hanging out with him on a beach at some resort place and he was buying us drinks and stuff. It was really hot and my arms were getting sunburned. My Mom was there also and she was surrounded by all these young hot surfer guys. My dreams aren't as vivid as they were when I started this thread. I think it's
  6. Z had to be to work at 5am this morning. I got up with her this morning and hung out for a bit before she had to leave. When I went back to bed I dreamt that I woke up in my bed and she was in bed with me. She said she got sent home from work early because she passed out on the job. This was a dream, it didn't really happen. It was weird though because I was sleeping in bed, and then I'm dreaming that she was in my bed with me. For a second I was confused like, "Is this real?"
  7. I'm posting in this thread now just to bump it and make it easier to find. I still have a pretty interesting dream life. I might start writing in this thread again even though it's been a really, really long time.
  8. Z and I were up way too late last night for a work night. We started watching this Documentary and doing that thing we do where we kept pausing it and getting into conversations about random stuff. The conversation got really heavy after a while, though. We were talking about her meds, and she was telling me she doesn't think her doctors really know what they're doing. She's on the highest dose of estrogen she can legally be on and she actually wants it lowered. It's causing some unpleasant side effects. She was saying the doctors should be checking her estrogen levels before p
  9. So I have an appointment for therapy scheduled for the end of next week. This therapist sees people at different offices. One location is walking distance from my place. The other location is all the way up on the north end of town where I will either have to take the bus or take a taxi to get to. I chose to go up there because the location I can walk to is right across the street from where Julie lives. I've mentioned Julie in this thread before but it's been a while ago. I've known her for about 7 years. For 6 of those years we were friends. She is now engaged to D, my ex. I can't s
  10. Z and I had such a good time last night. L and K were gone for the evening. L was with her bf and K was at his Dad's. So we had the house to ourselves. I've lost some weight since having covid. And I miss wearing all my show clothes that I never get to wear anymore. I mean, I have some epic outfits for shows. Depending on what show it is, I get really done up sometimes. And she has a lot of clothes that she hasn't been able to wear because of just the way her body is. Before she started on hormones, she used breast forms which meant she couldn't really wear anything low cut. But
  11. All the talk about bathing and stuff in my house the other night made me remember when I was younger and the way that kind of thing was handled in my house. My parents had some weird rules/hangups about clothes/hygiene, etc. When I was 15 and started working I started buying my own clothes. This also meant buying my own bras and panties. But my parents were really weird about what I was allowed to buy even though it was my money. And I was the Goth chick at my high school. They didn't really care what I wore on the outside as long as it didn't violate the dress code at school.
  12. Yea, when I was a kid having my hair cut was awful. It was never about making me look nice or anything like that. It was all about just chopping off all my hair and then making fun of me.
  13. Well, it was bound to happen eventually. months together and Z and I had our first argument. As much as it sucks I'm of the opinion that all healthy couples argue. I think we handled/resolved it pretty well. It didn't last all that long, either. We both are sexual abuse survivors. And as a lot of people reading this are probably aware, sexual abuse survivors usually have issues with bathing. Obsessive bathing or fear of bathing is pretty common. Well, she is an obsessive bather. She takes at least two showers a day. And she's also really obsessive about the cleanliness of
  14. I trimmed my hair tonight and layered it. I love the way it came out. Now my color just needs touched up. My rich emerald green is looking more like swampwater green right now. I have naturally curly hair and this was something I hated when I was a kid. Mainly I hated it though because my family wouldn't just leave it the hell alone. My aunt and grandma are both hair stylists. When I was growing up I had boy haircuts from about age 8 to 13. We had school pictures in October every year and every year right after school pictures my Mom would take me to either my grandma or my aunt's
  15. So I finally booked an appointment with a therapist. The biggest challenge I had in this search was finding someone who is actually doing face to face appointments and not phone appointments. I hate talking on the phone, for one. But the biggest thing I'm not comfortable with my entire household hearing me discuss really personal stuff with a therapist. This is a 120 year old house. The rooms are small and the walls are thin. I especially don't want my 7 year old nephew hearing me because he already suffers from anxiety at such a young age. I don't know if this is true for all kids
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