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About Me

  1. ppp86

    Trust issues

    Hi I am looking for some advice possibly from someone who is in or has been in a similar situation to me in the past. I have been with my partner for 3 years and our life is almost perfect apart from one niggling matter that comes up alot when we have a drink.. mostly on my part. a year ago i found out he had been messaging a girl from his past behind my back, telling her she looked amazing etc. i believe thats all it was as he has promised me this. and to most people i guess this is nothing to worry about. but i do. all the time. before i met my oh i was in a relationship for 10 years w
  2. I am a 23 year old female . I grew up within the African culture where spanking your child is okay , you got spanked at school at home so that was the norm. Moving to US was different , and I have always felt ok with being disciplined if I had done something wrong but I feel like there is things that are too far . While in highschool I was in the soccer team , both of my parents were very overprotective, I couldn’t really do anything hangout with friends , i had to lie even when I was going to hangout with my best friend sometimes. One time after school I had forgotten to mention that I had s
  3. I’m very confused about my partner. We have been together for close to two years. About two months ago I abruptly kicked him out of my house. He has been physically and emotionally abusive for quite some time now with some change but not enough for me to trust him living with me. The problem is he is living with his ex-wife until he gets a place of his own and it’s wearing on us. He is hiding our relationship from his family. Because of this we don’t connect the way we used to. My emotions are a roller coaster and we fight so much because I feel he’s negative and he feels I am negative. I ha
  4. I have an unusual situation. 6 months ago I started talking to a girl online who was having relationship issues with her now ex-boyfriend. We became very close friends, and had a really strong genuine connection. We would talk for 6+ hours easily without even realizing. All contact was always initiated by her. I'm 30(M), she's 23. She's very self-destructive with relationships. She chooses guys who treat her horribly simply because she finds them attractive. Honestly, I started developing feelings for her, despite knowing we could never have a relationship (I couldn't ever trust her, s
  5. I have been in a relationship with my BF for 5 years. For the entire relationship he was working in a very toxic environment which fed into his addictive qualities, he worked long hours, was constantly under huge amounts of stress, went in on days off, HATED the job but could not leave. (He ended up there when he left an abusive relationship and grew up with an abusive father). The culmination of all his misery and self loathing was getting involved with a co-worker right before the pandemic. She was from what he says, an abuser too and threatened him. I knew he was in a very bad place wh
  6. I dont know if this is the correct section to post this since it includes many types of relationships so I am going to post it here and it will be probably moved. So I am 27 y old woman, I have been in two long term relationships, first (4years) being abusive and the second one(5years) with an emotionally unavaliable boyfriend. Breaking up this May left me completely scarred, unable to love and trust. I am not over my last long term, we are still talking once in a while, I miss him a lot and love him and I am trying to forgive and accept what our relationship was and that we tried our bes
  7. That my husband and his family, who have acted like my family over the last decade, wouldn't validate my belief that I experienced emotional abuse. I don't know why I want the validation so badly, but it hurts that I was made to feel like a little girl whining about normal husband and wife fighting and that I'm too soft for marriage. My husband said he's remorseful (and definitely seemed distraught) but he refuses to agree to the term abuse, which was important to me. Like, am I crazy? I find it abusive to threaten divorce, to fight with me to the point that I'm crying and continue to do so, t
  8. My grandmother did drugs when she was raising my mother, specifically in high school. Because of that my mother had a horrible childhood. However...my grandmother got clean towards the last 20 years of her life. She was able to be a great grandmother to me. She took on the role of the second parent and partially raised me: picked me up from school, was there when I got home, was excited to ask me about my day. I feel that me being born gave my grandmother and grandfather a chance to be viewed in a new light without a past and they were grateful for that treated me like a princess. Howe
  9. I (M52) was in a relationship with a woman (42) for 3 years and I really believed I would spend the rest of my life with her. She is renting a house and living with her adult daughter and her boyfriend plus her 17 year old son. I have a pretty unconventional lifestyle (vegan, minimalist, organic, no car, etc.) and she expressed a desire to become more environmentally conscious as well. However, her kids were raised pretty standard American and to avoid me feeling too judgemental about the wastefulness, or the kids becoming resentful of me when I am pushing for less wastefulness, we decided to
  10. I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was a child. From what I recall, the bulk of the abuse took place when I was 6 to around 11. However I do remember he tried to do it again when I was 12, and at that stage, I knew it was wrong, and managed to get away. He is five years older than me. I think my mother knew what was happening. I once kicked in the glass front door in a temper when they left us alone and she asked me "do you be alright with him here by yourself". The abuse has shaped my life in many ways. For years, I identified as lesbian. It's only over the last few years I
  11. I was in a relationship with a woman for 3 years and I really believed I would spend the rest of my life with her. She is renting a house and living with her adult daughter and her boyfriend plus her 17 year old son. I have a pretty unconventional lifestyle (vegan, minimalist, organic, no car, etc.) and she expressed a desire to become more environmentally conscious as well. However, her kids were raised pretty standard American and to avoid me feeling too judgemental about the wastefulness, or the kids becoming resentful of me when I am pushing for less wastefulness, we decided to wait to liv
  12. I was sexually abused as a child and I am still obviously processing that. My boyfriend of two years knows this, I have always been open with it. The other day, in passing, I saw he had the Lolita (1962) film by Spielberg on his computer. I sort of was a bit shocked, I knew that he has read it and thought it was a very good/impressive piece of literature. I just thought it odd he had the film as he was so repulsed by the book and said he wanted to read it only because it was regarded so well as a piece of literature. I asked him why he had the film, therefore, and he was quite coarse, sayi
  13. Quarantine has me unearthing a lot of pain that I psychologically suppressed. One of those pains is my sexual experience I with an ex partner. *If I consent to sex and my partner decides to do unconsented sexual aggression like squeezing and pinching, almost like BDSM pain torture stuff, is this sexual assault? (I was in what I thought was a loving relationship and him being aggressive or wanting to hurt me was shocking) is this sexual abuse? *If I consented but show a non verbal revoke of consent like pulling away to the point where he was chasing me across the bed to get acces
  14. My boyfriend and I are in our mid twenties and have been together for over 3 years. I don't know how to feel about what happened this weekend. We went to a party at one of his friend's place on Saturday, and at first everything was fun and all, then everyone started getting really drunk, and one of his friends apparently groped a girl. my boyfriend got him in a cab because everyone wanted him out, so my boyfriend helped him. Then I explained that he was hitting on me as well and not being a decent person, and he was making excuses for him, so I guess that made me upset and for some reason, w
  15. Well been getting into a bit of conflict with my neighbour and for the first time he is getting quite abusive. Another neighbour had to phone the police on this elderly neighbour as he was being aggressive towards her which he denies. Well today we had washing out in the communal back garden, i'm social housing, (he owns the house next door) and he was setting fire to something out in his back garden. My husband very politely asked him if he could put out his fire as the smoke was travelling over to the garden to the washing. My neighbour refused and he mentioned the bags of carpet, wo
  16. The abusive alcoholic Its been a while since i’ve been here but i need help. Im suffering as the guy i’ve been with for a year has been awful to me. Im embarrassed and ashamed. He is a functioning narcissistic alcoholic who refuses to acknowledge it. He says he drinks to relax. Well large bottles of straight liquor a day to me is not relaxing as one glass of wine is. He”s an angry drunk too. He refuses to spend time with me now, has poor hygiene won’t tend to his foot odor, won’t brush his teeth, spends only about 2 minutes in shower so he never really smells good, has verbally abused me
  17. Many of you know the story of my life. I can’t seem to place my dad on a level of abuse scale. He did deny us necessities of life like food and clothing . He heaped mental and emotional abuse on us but 99% of the physical abuse was saved for our mom. He did try to sexually fondle me once but saw the look of horror on my face immediately stopped and never did it again. ( non of my family knows that detail) He committed parental kidnapping. I have no emotional feeling about any of it most of the time due to treatment, occasionally I get angry when he adds strife to my life. I feel though
  18. My dad was very abusive when growing up. He was physically abusive to my sisters/mother and emotionally abusive frequently. He was very mentally ill often so my mothers/sisters saw this as part of his symptoms and moved past it. I couldn't, and when I left for university, began cutting down contact. However, he then got very ill and suffered a lot of brain damage. He is still smart, but his abusiveness has gone - he's much more open and says he loves us more. I am conflicted on trying to get to know him again. I am very sensitive generally and as a result of the environment I grew up in
  19. I just reconnected with my youngest half sister after 10 years of no communication. She is 12 years younger than me and still lives with her parents (I’m 29 and she is 17). I moved out right when I turned 18 because my mother and stepfather (my half sister’s real father) abused me pretty badly. Never sexual, but I got beat up almost weekly. Punched, strangled, hair cut off, and extremely cruel punishments for no reason that I’m embarrassed to tell about. I got the abuse the worst because I wasn’t his biological child. So I moved out and never looked back. My sister isn’t allowed to speak to me
  20. Okay, so I will start from the begining. I flooded my motorcycle at a gas station and it wouldn't start. My fiance had to come help me then when I got home on it I didn't fully put down the kick stand and it fell on its side. I can't lift it up on my own. I'm petite. He picked it up and started yelling and ing. I ended up saying, " f you" which is not like me. He said, "Oh, F me?!" And he purposely put my bike on its side on the pavement again. I begged him to pick it back up. He refused. I regretfully put one hand on his chest and I didn't really push him but I could feel his weight pushing
  21. Not sure how to tag this post. I'll keep it simple. Right now I'm male, 30 and in a loving relationship near 7 years. All 10/10 on that front. But lately I've been thinking about an ex ("Jane"), and the possibility that a very close friend of mine ("Mike") may have at the very least tried to hook up with her. This was like a decade ago. Suddenly I can't get it out of my head and I'm depressed and angry about it. I dated Jane in college for 2 years, where we were steady boyfriend & girlfriend until she decided she needed "time off". Felt like I was getting demoted and that suddenly I
  22. Hey guys. I've found so much help and truth through this website, and I thought I would reach out again for your honest opinions. I've been reading through psychological writings and found that there is a mention of co-dependancy, and that many of the "symptoms" they mention match to how I sometimes react and feel. I'm gonna open up about myself and my issues in the hopes of coming to terms with my problems. And yes, I am going to see a psychologist to properly work through this, but honestly, I didn't know co-dependancy existed prior to finding this wonderful page so talking about it may h
  23. Hi all, I suffer from clinical depression, and have done for many years. I also suffer from other health problems, such a chronic facial pain etc. I have been shielding due to COVID-19 at the advice of my GP. I am having serious problems with someone who wants/wanted a romantic relationship with me. I was wondering if someone could kindly offer me some advice? I will sum things up as follows: I met a lady a few months ago through a book that she authored. We made contact via Facebook, and later met for a coffee. The lady in question is 20 years older than me, and not usually th
  24. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. Although he is a loving, attentive and caring partner, he is also a bit controlling and had a few problems with my independence. In the last couple years our relationship was not going so great. But we still had many good moments that made everything worth it, and we were making efforts to adjust to each other’s needs, which was not so easy: I am the independent type, more career-oriented, while he is more romantic and focused on family and relationship. Also, he has bipolar disorder and refuses to treat it, letting it spill into our relationship
  25. I just got out of a toxic relationship and a failed toxic friendship with my ex. He was extremely emotionally abusive, always snapped at me, always made me feel like I should feel privileged he's still talking to me, even after our breakup (he broke up with me) he still played with my emotions by keeping me constantly in his back pocket/radar. I wasn't innocent either but I feel like my negative qualities rooted from the mind games. We had a strong emotional connection where I could say anything on my mind, he is the first person I've let inside my head like that and it feels like I won't find
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