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香蕉视频app网Hi all, I'm not sure if anyone will remember me being on here as it was a few months ago now. My title was sexless marriage.

 

香蕉视频app网 Well that is now resulted in the end of my marriage and not through my doing I believe.

香蕉视频app网 I can't remember where I was at the last time I posted but I have been to hell and back several times over the past months, I've been heartbroken and had that mended and broken again. I've had my feelings toyed with and been used and played which has resulted in me being in a very dark place.

 

I'm struggling, really struggling as I can't no matter what I do get my wife out my head. Every single day I end up feeling down and become upset. It can be the smallest thing like a memory will come into my head.

 

I shouldn't allow myself to feel like this after the way I have been treated because she has been truly horrible to me. The friends I have left and my family think I'm being an idiot after what she has done to allow her to have this hold over me.

 

I've been to a Councillor I've been to a doctor who just gave me medication but that makes me feel muted and I don't like feeling like that.

 

I really need to talk to people for ideas and suggestions because being honest here I don't think I can continue this path.

 

I've moved jobs, I've now had to find a new home I'm trying to build a new career but my memories are always overwhelming me from thinking positively and moving on.

 

I know my wife doesn't feel like this she is living her life as normal with not a care in the world about me or what she has done to me over the past months.

香蕉视频app网 To top it off I'm not getting to see my daughter because her head seems to turned against me which is unbelievable and sole destroying as I spent most of my daughters life with her. I was the one who took her everywhere myself, took an interest in everything she had an interest in, built all her school projects with her,,,, I'm sure your getting the picture here. I can barely get a reply to a text message from her now and haven't seen her in weeks now.

 

Just need to talk this through if anyone is willing to

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香蕉视频app网The first thing I noticed is that you have *many* of the most incredible stressors in the average life all happening at once. Divorce, career change, moving.

 

If you did not feel overwhelmed in this season of your life...that would indicate a major problem!

 

香蕉视频app网 There’s nothing I can say to make the season less painful for you but of course the reminder is hopefully that seasons change. The incredible amount of change you are going through WILL settle. If you let it.

 

Having been through my own personal divorce hell including extremely strained parent-child relationships, I’m just popping in to say that it will get different. Today I have a phenomenal relationship with both kids, some career stability and a small, comfy home. I’ve dated some absolutely amazing women, traveled all over and at 43 I feel like my best years are yet to come!

 

Hang. In. There.

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香蕉视频app网I'm trying, really trying. Just about every person has told me I'll get through this. I really hope I do because I've yet to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

 

香蕉视频app网 Thanks for sharing your experiences.

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香蕉视频app网In regards to your medication if we’re talking the time span of months, you typically need to be on them for a bit longer to know your body’s real reaction, if they were too strong and numbed you, you should have been asked about that by your Dr. in your follow up appt. and at that point your Dr. would have made a decision and I most certainly do not believe their decision would be to stop cold turkey.

 

There’s a lot to unpack with your story in its entirety, I know you feel hopeless and are looking for some reprieve unfortunately it’s a marathon not a sprint. Have you considered starting therapy? You have been through quite a bit recently. I also hope as you’ve been advised multiple times you try to rebuild your relationship with your daughter. At the end of the day when the dust settles and the pain subsides you do t want your relationship ship with her to be collateral damage.

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香蕉视频app网There's an old saying ' If you love someone let them go, for if they return they were always yours. And if they don't they never were'.

Your post reminds me of me and this quote. It's so hard to move on but you have to for her sake as well as your own.

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Unfortunately we are not programmed with a fast-forward button to speed us through the grieving process. Just know that what you're experiencing is normal at this time, and it's a necessary stage to be able to get to the healing stage. For now, I'd just set small daily goals to achieve for the day regarding your career, your new home, and your relationship with your daughter. If your daughter has a new room in your home for when she stays over, tell her you need her help in decorating it. That could be a good bonding experience and I don't know of any child who wouldn't find that idea to be really fun. If you think her mother is at fault for turning your child against you, ask for divorce mediation or family counseling to show your ex the kind of damage she's doing by badmouthing you to your child. You have a right to see your child, so even if she balks, make sure the visits happen and she will likely come around after getting used to her new life.

 

Be proactive and read some books on parenting after divorce. Pamper yourself by cooking your favorite recipes or trying new ones. When social distancing eases, find a new hobby you can be passionate about. Perhaps scuba diving, ski club, kayaking, bicycling, volunteering at a zoo or museum, dance lessons. Join a Meetup.com group for hiking, book discussions, etc.

 

香蕉视频app网 Time and distance will eventually do its work, hard as it is to envision right now. Take care.

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香蕉视频app网Looking back through your threads, the end of your marriage was roughly starting in August of last year, separation in October. This is nothing and I'm not clear if your divorce is even finalized or not.

 

What I'm saying is that you are SUPPOSED to feel what you feel. You'd have to be either clinically insane or a robot if you didn't feel this roller coaster of emotions. Pain, anger, grief, sadness - these are unpleasant emotions, but you really do need to be realistic and allow yourself to ride this out until things start to calm down. When you go sailing, you don't want to encounter a nasty storm with 40 foot waves crashing over your boat, but once in it, you have no choice but to deal with it, ride it out, do your best to maneuver your boat over those waves so you don't sink. On the other side of the storm lie sunshine and calm waters and peace.

 

So please, the more you tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling things the harder you make it for yourself to reach the other side so to speak. You can't be in a huge storm of your lifetime and be in denial about what it is. Let yourself grieve. It's normal. You are supposed to feel what you feel. Let it wash over you. Only thing is, steer your ship a bit. Feel angry? Good. Let that anger boil for a bit, then shake yourself out - go for a run or a walk, do a fast intense workout at home (lots of apps out there for that) Release that angry energy in a healthy way and you'll find that for a bit, you feel a little more at peace. Feeling sad, despair hitting you hard? So cry, howl, sob - let it out. But then, change gears. Flip on a comedy show or something else that interests you or makes you feel good and change those mental gears. Not saying this is easy, because you do need to force your thoughts into a different gear and you won't always succeed but for a second or two, but you just keep at it, keep persevering. It will take time but with time you'll slowly realize that you are angry less often, sad less often, feeling pain less often until one day you'll realize that you haven't thought about all that in so long you can't even remember the last time. Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days, days to months and....you get the idea.

 

Realistic expectations, OP. Don't expect to be instantly good as that alone will just leave you stuck. Grieving the end of your marriage is normal. Refusing to is not. You are supposed to feel emotions. You'll be fine.

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Thanks for all the input. Had a heck of a few days through one thing or another any I'm trying to pull through that.

 

Reading through the comments I would like to explain a little.

The healing process mentioned,, I had done this, I was finally starting to accept what had happened and where my future was going. I had moved back into the marital home because my wife and daughter left it. I found out after she left we were in serious debt, real unbelievable debt with our mortgage, taxes and loans. I was flabbergasted but felt somewhat responsible as I should have paid far more attention. I went to the bank to check where all the money was going in our joint account and it seems my then wife was transferring large amounts of money (to us) into another account which I had no access to.

Anyway long story short I had to contact all the companies and sort all this out and managed to secure my home because it was in the process of being taken by the bank because it hadn't been paid in so long. I moved back into the house and with the help of family I went about clearing it and cleaning it then redecorated it. Not even two day later I was contacted by my wife who asked to speak to me as she felt this wasn't over. I agreed and she came to the house sat in tears on the sofa and basically said she wanted her family back.

Now this is where I done the wrong thing. I agreed so her and my daughter had been out the house just under a month and they both moved back.

Everything seemed good we were making plans, I changed my job to a better suited one with better hours all seemed good but it didn't last.

香蕉视频app网 Within a week my wife went cold, I was being ignored i was being shut out and it was like I had rewound my life six months. I was crushed, devastated and heartbroken again and before long I had been sickened out my own home which I had just saved and worked every waking minute to bring back up to scratch.

香蕉视频app网 Sorry this is long.

香蕉视频app网 Regarding my daughter. I really felt I had her back, she was great and I was being involved again in her life. She was asking for my help just all normal stuff but it ended also.

 

Since I've been away I haven't seen my daughter once apart from when I found her walking the streets at 11pm at night during what's meant to be a lock down. I told her to get in the car and took her home. She has totally shut me out which is well I don't know what I'm actually feeling about this.

 

I'm being told and maybe I'm just not seeing it because I can't accept it still but between friends and family I'm being told I've been played like a fiddle and it's obvious my wife has came back to that house for a reason, what that is I have no idea because i got a call from the mortgage company two days ago to ask why there has been two payments missed after me making arrangements with them so she is doing what she done the last time but unfortunately she is hurting me also in doing this.

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Sorry I should have mentioned that my daughter turns 17 this year, the year I have been looking forward to most her life because I can teach her to drive.

 

香蕉视频app网 Would also like to ask if anyone can advise me on where I stand regarding me leaving some of my belongings in the marital home even if I've moved into another home. This would apply to UK law if anyone has had to deal with this before.

I ask as I am moving into a far smaller property and won't have the space needed right not to house all my belongings from home.

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You need to get her off that joint account immediately.

I closed the account as I was advised to and turned out I had the right to as it only required one signature. Although again I had to pay costs she had on the account that were pending in order to do so.

 

Made her pretty mad because as crazy as this sounds I never had any access to this account to see what was going on transaction wise. I just paid into this weekly and had been for so many years an amount of money to cover my half of bills. This was a major problem when it came to me trying to see what was happening, involved a meeting with the bank in where I was to produce documents to confirm my identity then a waiting process to get me details to allow me to see what was going on.

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  • 8 months later...

Hi folks, 

香蕉视频app网 This time it really has been a while, 3rd of May last year to be precise. 

I just thought I would pop back with an update. Well law and behold I'm still pretty much in the same place all round. My ex wife is still in the martial home and hasn't paid the mortgage. Its only now that the bank is forcing to take the house through court. I haven't been allowed to step foot in the house since I left, she played a very clever game by threatening me with the police if I go near (which I can't afford to risk). I had family going to collect my mail but she put a stop to this by reducing my family members to near tears with the words that came out her mouth and my rear door of the property. 

香蕉视频app网 I have now moved into a brand new home which I've settled in, I now have a whole new career in the making and when I finish university I will be a member of a professional organisation. I still don't see much of my daughter, in fact I've only seen her when she wants something from me to be honest, when I say wants something I mean money. When I do see her she doesn't speak, she won't sit in the same room as me. 

For anyone that may read this, it's now been nearly a year and my feeling for my wife,,,,, well they are still there, why, God only knows because I've been put through absolute hell. We haven't spoken a word to each other since March last year and I still feel I would take her back today if she asked. 

I'm now at a stage with my lawyer where I'm going to try and take possession of my home back, yes I'm in a new home but I'm not comfortable here, I'm settled but I'm not comfortable. It's never going to feel like my home, this is just a personal issue for me. I could lose the house when it goes to court and if I do well so be it, I will have tried. 

I now have an amazing network of new friends who have helped me emotionally and they will never know how much but I still struggle daily, I still don't sleep well, I don't eat well and my life I'd really lonely but I'm still going. 

I just hope one day all this will be out of my head and allow me to fully move forward. 

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On 4/30/2020 at 5:24 PM, Timeout74 said:

香蕉视频app网 Hi all, I'm not sure if anyone will remember me being on here as it was a few months ago now. My title was sexless marriage.

 

香蕉视频app网 Well that is now resulted in the end of my marriage and not through my doing I believe.

香蕉视频app网 I can't remember where I was at the last time I posted but I have been to hell and back several times over the past months, I've been heartbroken and had that mended and broken again. I've had my feelings toyed with and been used and played which has resulted in me being in a very dark place.

 

I'm struggling, really struggling as I can't no matter what I do get my wife out my head. Every single day I end up feeling down and become upset. It can be the smallest thing like a memory will come into my head.

 

I shouldn't allow myself to feel like this after the way I have been treated because she has been truly horrible to me. The friends I have left and my family think I'm being an idiot after what she has done to allow her to have this hold over me.

 

I've been to a Councillor I've been to a doctor who just gave me medication but that makes me feel muted and I don't like feeling like that.

 

I really need to talk to people for ideas and suggestions because being honest here I don't think I can continue this path.

 

香蕉视频app网 I've moved jobs, I've now had to find a new home I'm trying to build a new career but my memories are always overwhelming me from thinking positively and moving on.

 

香蕉视频app网 I know my wife doesn't feel like this she is living her life as normal with not a care in the world about me or what she has done to me over the past months.

To top it off I'm not getting to see my daughter because her head seems to turned against me which is unbelievable and sole destroying as I spent most of my daughters life with her. I was the one who took her everywhere myself, took an interest in everything she had an interest in, built all her school projects with her,,,, I'm sure your getting the picture here. I can barely get a reply to a text message from her now and haven't seen her in weeks now.

 

Just need to talk this through if anyone is willing to

Hi Timeout.

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is definitely not an easy situation. After being in a sexless marriage and seeing your ex prosper without it, is brutal. 

I truly believe that talking your feelings out will help you. You need to get your feelings out and talk about what hurts you until it becomes so muted that it doesnt hurt you anymore (to that degree).

I truly believe that is the best therapy. I believe that's exposure therapy (?). The more you talk about what it is that is making you break down and cry the more you will realize and accept it. 
 

香蕉视频app网 Pick up some hobbies, meet some new people, hell-- even go on a dating website and don't date if you're not ready, but just talk to people! regain that confidence you had before you met your ex, regain your life before you had her in your life. 

unfortunately, everything in life comes to an end, just in different ways. 

香蕉视频app网 She is not your fate. that relationship was not your fate, if it would be, you'd be happy in it and you'd never have to break up.

Also, if it makes you feel any better, you won't be sad forever. you just need some positive triggers in your life to get over it. plus, given that its only been a couple of months, it is granted that you don't feel well yet. 

So look, lemme give you an agenda:
- give yourself a week to grieve. cry all the tears you have inside of you. talk to whoever you need and tell them all your feelings from this divorce. cry about every good memory and grieve it. bury it. pretend you are putting your last vacation with her into a casket and give it a funeral. Take your photos that remind you of her and put it in a box after you grieve every memory. 

once you feel like you grieved absolutely everything, 

-start your new life. write down the things that made you happy before her. write down the ways you felt when you did certain activities. 
rekindle relationships with old friends, make new friends, connect with past partners
 

-get some new hobbies. what did you always want to learn? is it playing the guitar? or swimming in a lake?


-TRAVEL! see new things, new people. try new things.

See how you feel afterwards. Keep in mind... unfortunately ... relationships are such toxic creations if you think about it. They are not natural to the human brain! you will have memories here and there that will sweep into your mind that will hurt you and remind you of her. I guarantee you, you will grieve about them less this time, because they will already be programmed in your mind as a past trigger.

I wish you to love yourself and I wish you happiness,
Message me whenever you need,

Throoawao

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Are you legally divorced? Do you have a court ordered visitation/custody arrangement? Change you address asap on all your accounts and with the postal service. Your family should not be going to the house if she has a restraining order against you.

 

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you legally divorced? Do you have a court ordered visitation/custody arrangement? Change you address asap on all your accounts and with the postal service. Your family should not be going to the house if she has a restraining order against you.

 

香蕉视频app网 Not legally divorced yet Scottish law state you have to be separated for over a year. Again my daughter is now over 16 so there is no need for a custody arrangement, Scottish law class her as an adult after 16.

There is no legal restraints against me, but the threat is real, I have been advised by my lawyer not to approach the house myself due to what I could be blamed of ( I'll let you think about that lol) and also I can't afford any kind of legal offence against me with my future career. 

She has just turned into such a vindictive individual, I don't think I will ever understand how someone I spent 20 odd years of my life with could turn so hateful, we are now strangers which is strange in itself. 

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1 hour ago, throoawao said:

Hi Timeout.

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is definitely not an easy situation. After being in a sexless marriage and seeing your ex prosper without it, is brutal. 

I truly believe that talking your feelings out will help you. You need to get your feelings out and talk about what hurts you until it becomes so muted that it doesnt hurt you anymore (to that degree).

I truly believe that is the best therapy. I believe that's exposure therapy (?). The more you talk about what it is that is making you break down and cry the more you will realize and accept it. 
 

香蕉视频app网 Pick up some hobbies, meet some new people, hell-- even go on a dating website and don't date if you're not ready, but just talk to people! regain that confidence you had before you met your ex, regain your life before you had her in your life. 

unfortunately, everything in life comes to an end, just in different ways. 

香蕉视频app网 She is not your fate. that relationship was not your fate, if it would be, you'd be happy in it and you'd never have to break up.

Also, if it makes you feel any better, you won't be sad forever. you just need some positive triggers in your life to get over it. plus, given that its only been a couple of months, it is granted that you don't feel well yet. 

So look, lemme give you an agenda:
香蕉视频app网 - give yourself a week to grieve. cry all the tears you have inside of you. talk to whoever you need and tell them all your feelings from this divorce. cry about every good memory and grieve it. bury it. pretend you are putting your last vacation with her into a casket and give it a funeral. Take your photos that remind you of her and put it in a box after you grieve every memory. 

once you feel like you grieved absolutely everything, 

-start your new life. write down the things that made you happy before her. write down the ways you felt when you did certain activities. 
rekindle relationships with old friends, make new friends, connect with past partners
 

香蕉视频app网 -get some new hobbies. what did you always want to learn? is it playing the guitar? or swimming in a lake?


-TRAVEL! see new things, new people. try new things.

香蕉视频app网 See how you feel afterwards. Keep in mind... unfortunately ... relationships are such toxic creations if you think about it. They are not natural to the human brain! you will have memories here and there that will sweep into your mind that will hurt you and remind you of her. I guarantee you, you will grieve about them less this time, because they will already be programmed in your mind as a past trigger.

I wish you to love yourself and I wish you happiness,
香蕉视频app网 Message me whenever you need,

香蕉视频app网 Throoawao

香蕉视频app网 Thank you for taking the time to respond in such a time consuming manner. 

Unfortunately I can't remember what life was like without her in it. We were together from a young age and grew into middle ages with each other. 

Hobbies, I have tried. I have been through every right and wrong thing I can try just now. Obviously the lock down in the UK is putting major restrictions on anything that can be done. It's been like this for nearly a year now which hasn't helped the situation. All I can really do is walk my dogs which as nice as this is, it's frustrating I can't get out and meet new friends. 

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