Jump to content

When to let go.......for good.


Recommended Posts

I am wrestling with a question. When do you know how and after a breakup when there are still feelings?

My GF 香蕉视频app网and I just split after 3 months 2 weeks ago. We are both in out mid 40s and I know this may sound cliche but this was the quickest and easiest connection I have ever had. We joked about how we connected from the very first sentence the night we met. We constantly laughed and she told me that she missed me every day we didnt see other which was only a few days a week. We did some cool trips together in a short time and she always was wanting to plan the next one. She always loved and respected being open and honest with one another and It was something she needed most in a relationship......we when I was. I admitted that I was in debt with the IRS and spent what I had saved to barely scratch the surface to getting out the whole because stupid business decisions I made. 

香蕉视频app网 A lot of it took her by surprise and she said it ok but a lot to process and she needed some time to think. Ultimately she said that she couldnt move forward because she needed to be with someone who is financially secure. Her marriage ended because of money and she does some real estate on the side now and has allamony/child support. The thing was it wasnt about the amount of money I have as a I have a great secure job but she doesnt want to go through the same thing. The actual part I liked about her she wasnt into money or material things but it was the security of it. She was kind of an old soul/hippie so the most important thing really was about the connection and how you feel around someone. That was supper strong but I hated that what came between us did. 

香蕉视频app网 Where it stands now is we have talked briefly and she has stated that she stands by what she feels in her heart but agreed to at least sit down and talk some more. I know it was a delay or a easy let down and today she said it would just bring those emotions to the surface because she has never ended things with someone she had feelings for but hopes we can be friends and have drinks occasionally. 

香蕉视频app网 Although I respect her feelings but the fact that there are still feelings between us how do you just let go of all hope? I hear her but damn its hard to believe it. Anyone else experienced that? 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you can't just let go of feelings. It doesn't work like that.  The more you try to push feelings away, the more they might bother you. 

I think what you do is decide to accept how you feel. Feel what you feel, but carry on knowing you won't always feel this way and it'll get better.

Letting go, for me, is more like I'm not going to let this control me.  Choose to see things in a different light. instead of understanding her and approving of her... 

Be understanding of yourself, approve of yourself. And see her more realistically, in terms of your needs, that she obviously is incapable of meeting. 

香蕉视频app网 Be kind to yourself and proud.  You're not only doing the right things to meet your obligations, you were vulnerable and open with her.  That takes strong character.

香蕉视频app网 It's too bad she had her hang ups, but it's not what you need from a partner.  So this is probably a good thing.  It doesn't  seem like it now, but when you meet someone with more understanding and ability to trust, you will be glad it didn't work out. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

香蕉视频app网 Sorry this happened. 12 weeks is enough time to get to know someone.

Unfortunately it's also a time when the thrill wears off and compatibility is reassessed.

In this case, she was clear about things. It may be the finances, it could be anything.

However the net result is the same. She's offering the friendzone as a consolation prize. 

香蕉视频app网 Don't hang out as friends. Just fade out an date other women.

Watch out for "amazing connections" and other too much too soon red flags 🚩.

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/8/2021 at 6:11 PM, ctlguy260 said:

Although I respect her feelings but the fact that there are still feelings between us how do you just let go of all hope?

香蕉视频app网 I'm not a believer in trying to trash all hope after a breakup that you don't want. However, I'm a strong believer in teaching yourself how to move that hope to a back burner. From there you can relax and trust that if it's a 'meant to be deal,' your ex will have no trouble catching up to you to make that message clear.

香蕉视频app网 Meanwhile, recognize that NObody wants to resume the same old relationship with the same old person. The only attraction for an ex is to reach their own higher ground while YOU climb to yours.

香蕉视频app网 This negates stagnation as you focus on moving your own life forward and striving toward your own self development. This can mean seeking your own social, financial, health and creative interests to learn the kind of passion for living that you may have neglected while focused on your ex.

香蕉视频app网 Over time, your new passions become more and more important while your ex becomes more and more irrelevant. That's the perfect place to reach, because your own higher ground will give you the new perspective you will need should ex ever cross your path or wish to reconcile--or not.

香蕉视频app网 It's a win/win. You either learn how to move forward without ex, or you learn how to best meet ex from a position of strength and confidence. Either way, you stop stagnating and you reach your own best competence.

None of this is easy, but it IS simple. Decide on a goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with a resilience you never knew you had. Teach yourself your best strengths.

Head high.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I'm not a believer in trying to trash all hope after a breakup that you don't want. However, I'm a strong believer in teaching yourself how to move that hope to a back burner. From there you can relax and trust that if it's a 'meant to be deal,' your ex will have no trouble catching up to you to make that message clear.

Meanwhile, recognize that NObody wants to resume the same old relationship with the same old person. The only attraction for an ex is to reach their own higher ground while YOU climb to yours.

This negates stagnation as you focus on moving your own life forward and striving toward your own self development. This can mean seeking your own social, financial, health and creative interests to learn the kind of passion for living that you may have neglected while focused on your ex.

Over time, your new passions become more and more important while your ex becomes more and more irrelevant. That's the perfect place to reach, because your own higher ground will give you the new perspective you will need should ex ever cross your path or wish to reconcile--or not.

香蕉视频app网 It's a win/win. You either learn how to move forward without ex, or you learn how to best meet ex from a position of strength and confidence. Either way, you stop stagnating and you reach your own best competence.

None of this is easy, but it IS simple. Decide on a goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with a resilience you never knew you had. Teach yourself your best strengths.

Head high.

Such an amazing reply. You get it. Thanks!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

香蕉视频app网  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...