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Is it time to leave someone who really loves me?


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I am convinced that my boyfriend of 16 months really does love me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
However every time we start talking about the future I have great pause because while I am very attracted to him and he has a lot of qualities that are hard to find and I do love him,  he has a pushy personality and is not afraid to say what he thinks. While I appreciate someone who is honest, sometimes he says things that are just frankly cruel and hurtful. I have pointed this out to him and he’s gotten a little bit better but I  am just very concerned about building a future and living with someone like this. He also can be quite demanding and possessive if I don’t give him all my attention. I am very independent person. I just feel at this point that there really is no compatibility for a future if he intends to move in which is what he’s indicated to me later this year. It’s sort of like we got a fork in the road.

 

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2 minutes ago, Pushedaround1 said:

*he has a pushy personality

sometimes he says things that are just frankly cruel and hurtful.

* I  am just very concerned about building a future and living with someone like this.

* He also can be quite demanding and possessive if I don’t give him all my attention.

* I just feel at this point that there really is no compatibility for a future if he intends to move in which is what he’s indicated to me later this year.

香蕉视频app网 It’s sort of like we got a fork in the road.

 

^ Please, for the love of ..... please re-read your own words above and really absorb what you say.  Cut, paste, print and stick it on every surface of your house where you can see and read it every day. These are massive red warning flags and you really should take heed.  He will never change his ways.  This IS who he is, and it usually gets worse the longer you're together.  This is just a small taste of what you're heading into.

香蕉视频app网 Trust your gut feeling.  It's telling you something is NOT right and whatever you do, do NOT let him move in with you.  A far better thing would be for you to cut your losses and head in the opposite direction (imo).

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香蕉视频app网 Talk to some trusted family and friends about what is going on. Be as honest as you were here. Let friends and family know you are trapped in an emotionally and verbally abusive situation.

 

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I believe there’s something more to it. Besides the negative sides, you never talked about the positive sides. You could’ve brought that upon him if you were like that before in the relationship. Or possibly he’s going through something and he’s not telling you. If you’ve been with him that long something has to be going on but it’s not only his fault. Take time to yourself, talk to him and see his reactions.

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1 hour ago, Johnny0187 said:

I believe there’s something more to it. Besides the negative sides, you never talked about the positive sides. You could’ve brought that upon him if you were like that before in the relationship. Or possibly he’s going through something and he’s not telling you. If you’ve been with him that long something has to be going on but it’s not only his fault. Take time to yourself, talk to him and see his reactions.

香蕉视频app网 There is never a reason to be hurtful and cruel.  He also sounds quite controlling and insecure.  You can't change this!

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23 hours ago, Pushedaround1 said:

I am convinced that my boyfriend of 16 months really does love me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
香蕉视频app网 However every time we start talking about the future I have great pause because while I am very attracted to him and he has a lot of qualities that are hard to find and I do love him,  he has a pushy personality and is not afraid to say what he thinks. While I appreciate someone who is honest, sometimes he says things that are just frankly cruel and hurtful. I have pointed this out to him and he’s gotten a little bit better but I  am just very concerned about building a future and living with someone like this. He also can be quite demanding and possessive if I don’t give him all my attention. I am very independent person. I just feel at this point that there really is no compatibility for a future if he intends to move in which is what he’s indicated to me later this year. It’s sort of like we got a fork in the road.

 

I'd rethink this or revisit why this appeals to you(bold portion). Most people want someone close by for comfort and security and a lifetime partner is the obvious choice. This is also very often a kneejerk reaction to needing someone but not actually wanting or desiring that person as a person.

I'm curious if you live together? I'd hesitate marrying someone like this or living with someone like this. Emotional abuse comes in different forms. Some people refuse to look at their own issues for years and don't realize when their behaviour becomes abusive towards others. If you're walking on eggshells or constantly have to find the strength to be yourself and find yourself exerting enormous amounts of effort and energy to be happy, yet aren't... it's a good time to rethink things. 

I doubt he'll be able to work through his issues or anger/hurtfulness on his own. He should talk to his doctor. You can't force anyone to find help and it's up to him to do it. 

香蕉视频app网 Demanding and possessive is controlling. You both aren't suited to each other. You bother him and he doesn't know how to deal with this or recognize that you're both not compatible and you're not recognizing that this is controlling and abusive behaviour. You can stop that cycle and leave.

香蕉视频app网 Keep us updated. 

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