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How to Deal with One-sided Communication


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First off, I know I'm in a pretty toxic relationship. She(22) gets mad at me(27) for whatever the simplest thing.

Problem is, whenever we get in an argument it's always her ranting out her side of the story for a long time and she's done. She doesn't care what I have to say. Whenever I start conversing my side of the story, the way I see whatever the current issue is, she simply counterattacks right away restating her view of the case. She doesn't want to think about/analyse my view because according to her she's always right and I'm wrong. Doing it her way would be the only way to resolve the argument even if that means I'd be the one making sacrifices each time.

I just want to have a discussion where both sides 香蕉视频app网get to state their view, and if both agree to the same thing the problem would be resolved, otherwise if both sides are in two different corners, to come to a middle ground where both sacrifice a little bit to achieve a resolution. Isn't that how it should be?

香蕉视频app网 How can I get her to understand this? To have her be a bit more flexible? How can I make her understand we have to discuss issues where both get an equal chance an equal ground without it being one sided? And what if she simply doesn't ever want to listen?

香蕉视频app网 Because without ever being able to discuss when we have issues, it simply drags the littlest argument over days where she's mad coz I didn't agree to do it the exact way she wants it done, and I'm mad because I simply wasn't even listened to, coz my opinion wasn't even counted to come to whatever resolution to the argument.

 

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I will say you are wise for your age.  It takes most a lifetime to understand that two people with differing views are both valid and if you want to be in relationship you need to respect the other person's experience. . .and compromise.

香蕉视频app网 Unfortunately. . what you might need to learn is to accept what you have right in front of you and not try to bend your mind on how to teach her to be someone different.   Maybe with some maturity she might learn, but at 22 I am going to take a guess and say this is the way she will be for quite some time.

The question here isn't how you can teach her to better a better partner.  The question is. . is something you can continue to participate in if it stays the same?

香蕉视频app网 Her making any changes has to come from her.  She has to acknowledge it and want it, without you trying to convince her otherwise.

香蕉视频app网 The fact that you opened your post with acknowledging up front that your relationship is toxic is really interesting.   Most people set the scene with how perfect their partner is before they say what's really bothering them.

Edited by reinventmyself
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6 minutes ago, nirm2009 said:

香蕉视频app网 First off, I know I'm in a pretty toxic relationship. She(22) gets mad at me(27) for whatever the simplest thing.

How can I get her to understand this?

香蕉视频app网 Simple answer - you can't.  She's incredibly immature - almost acts like a sulky 12 year old brat (sorry).  You already recognise this is toxic and you're right.  She's showing you her true character and I can't ever imagine any sane person would stay. (I would head for the hills so fast you wouldn't see me for dust, lol). 

香蕉视频app网  I can only highly recommend you cut your losses with her and find someone more mature and closer to your own age. 

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You have to get yourself to understand this is how she is.  And the relationship won't change. You could try dumping her until she agrees to change.  When she doesn't you have to dump her and never take her back.

I dated a hot head... it just got worse over time. Until one day I was just done. It was like every time I put up with his crap, I loved him a little less. Until it was gone. 

Edited to add:

香蕉视频app网 to this day I know he would want me back.  but not only do I have zero respect for him. it's laughable to me that we would ever even be in the same room again. let alone a couple.... but the real damage was done to me. I still get mad at myself sometimes when I think about it. 

Why did I let anyone treat me that way? what a waste of my time.  I deserved so much better. AND SO DO YOU 

Edited by Lambert
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6 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

香蕉视频app网 I will say you are wise for your age.  It takes most a lifetime to understand that two people with differing views are both valid and if you want to be in relationship you need to respect the other person's experience. . .and compromise.

Unfortunately. . what you might need to learn is to accept what you have right in front of you and not try to bend your mind on how to teach her to be someone different.   Maybe with some maturity she might learn, but at 22 I am going to take a guess and say this is the way she will be for quite some time.

香蕉视频app网 The question here isn't how you can teach her to better a better partner.  The question is. . is something you can continue to participate in if it stays the same?

香蕉视频app网 Her making any changes has to come from her.  She has to acknowledge it and want it, without you trying to convince her otherwise.

香蕉视频app网 The fact that you opened your post with acknowledging up front that your relationship is toxic is really interesting.   Most people set the scene with how perfect their partner is before they say what's really bothering them.

@reinventmyself

Thanks, agreed I've tried and tried to explain things to her but she's so stubborn she never listens or acknowledges what I say. So, yes. It has to come from her as you said. But if I'm not to intervene, how should I let her know that these particular things are where she's going wrong? These particular things are where she should consider if she is to reevaluate herself?

Is my only option just to blindly wait hoping it'd someday dawn to her what she's been doing?

香蕉视频app网 P. S. By the way, I started the post that way just to filter out responses simply saying "it's a toxic relationship, get out". Wanted to let y'all know I'm aware it's currently a pretty toxic relationship I'm in. At the moment I'm walking on eggshells but I don't want to just give up and quit.

Edited by nirm2009
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香蕉视频app网 Agree. She is too immature for you. Every argument is a he said/she said situation. That's why it's an argument.

This much bickering and drama means you simply can't get along or see eye to eye.

香蕉视频app网 There's no right or wrong here. Just wrong for each other.

 

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7 hours ago, nirm2009 said:

@reinventmyself

 how should I let her know that these particular things are where she's going wrong? These particular things are where she should consider if she is to reevaluate herself?

香蕉视频app网 Is my only option just to blindly wait hoping it'd someday dawn to her what she's been doing?

This is just more of the same.  You wanting to teach her to be different.

No, you don't sit blindly by but what you can do is not critique her actions, but rather share your experience.  That this dynamic isn't working for you and they way you two communicate affects how you feel about her and the relationship.

香蕉视频app网 Share with her that you need a partner who has some empathy and is willing to compromise

When using these words you are speaking for yourself and what you need to continue in the relationship.  It's not debatable.

香蕉视频app网 It's not going to create magic but you are letting her know that the way you two resolve conflicts isn't working for you.  It gives her fair warning that you are reaching a tipping point.

I wouldn't tell her this during an argument, but choose a time that things aren't heated and she might be more willing to listen

Edited by reinventmyself
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Set the example you want to see.

香蕉视频app网 If you want to feel validated about your POV, tell her that you see what she's saying and the value in it. Then ask her an open-ended question: what does she think about your idea?

香蕉视频app网 Keep it neutral and don't get angry with her for missing your point at the beginning. 

香蕉视频app网 There's a way to talk and share differing opinions without being a bull in a china shop. 

Slow things down.

If she still is not picking up what you're putting down and her immediate reaction is anger each time, I think what you have is someone with anger issues. Her default reactions to challenges may be anger and this could be ingrained, a difficult habit to break. 

Let us know how it goes. 

 

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